Life in the Rolling Lane

Falling

2010-10-06T19:13:00.002-05:00

Last night while scrimmaging I had a big (somewhat embarrassing) fall on my butt. In derby we work to create muscle memory to fall on our knees (and our big cushy knee pads). But when I get to the jello legs phase of the evening (muscles fatigued, but still skating) I'm much more likely to lose my balance and fall on my ass. Especially if we are scrimmaging, I am jamming and not wanting to be outskated. Splat!

I did a quick inventory -- ouch, my butt hurts, I'm vibrating a little from the impact, but I can stand up and skate -- and was off again.

It struck me that I used to think when I fell I would be hurt and maybe broken and not be able to get up. I think that skating and practicing falling, and then falling because I lose my balance has taught me that it really is ok to fall. We don't automatically break into pieces, or get hurt, or become unable to get back up. I am, in fact, stronger than I might think. Maybe this has become metaphorical as well as physical. Maybe that's where the Rolling Lane is these days. Helping me fall and get back up again, taking the physical to the metaphorical.

The yard

2010-05-30T07:11:00.006-05:00

Yesterday I took the girls to the my favorite place to buy plants: Hinsdale Nurseries (which of course is not in Hindsdale, but that's another story). That place is truly a candy store. They have more perennials, common and not, than I've ever seen. I don't even go see the acres of shrubs and trees, because I don't need any. Anyway, I needed a hosta for a specific spot (which of course, now I'm worried is too sunny), and came home with that, plus a whole lot of other stuff. I love that the girls want their own spot in the garden, which we've found. So after getting home, we planted their plants, plus the others I'd bought, and I thought about next steps in the garden (because there are always next steps in a garden).

When I first had a house I was afraid to do anything in the garden. I knew nothing about gardening. I tried a vegetable garden when I was 12 and got one 2 inch cucumber. I never tried again. So my first forays were in cutting things down and dividing hostas. I then moved on to very hesitantly planting perennials. When we moved to the house we live in now, it had 35 year old overgrown landscaping. No flowering plants (except for about 1000 old fashioned hostas lined up everywhere). It took 6 years, plus an addition to finally give me a yard I love. There is much of it I've done myself (a little every year) and then last year, with the addition at the back/side, we had professional landscaping done. Removed the hideous 8 foot yews in the front of the house and the very odd, little round yews at the side of the house. The woodland plants I had slowly been planting near the huge oak trees, now look like a woodland garden. The backyard which was grass and a huge sickly honeysuckle is getting close to my envisioned cozy courtyard feel. The little hardy geraniums I planted my first year here remind me of how I started back there.

And where I planted the girls garden behind my garage, well, what you don't see there is my biggest accomplishment of all. It was a jungle of 12 foot japanese knotweed...an evil evil invasive monster. It took me 3 years to get rid of it before I ever planted anything. I was out there every day for a couple of years, looking for new sprouts which I then attacked with round up. Religiously. I still have to do that in the spring, because it stills tries to pop up.

I love being outside, digging in the dirt, getting hot and sweaty. I love watering (feels kind of zen to me), and I love waiting for the flowers to start blooming (there's a lot of that right now: coreopsis, stella'oro daylilies, and the prairie plants like blazing star and coneflowers).

It has been a slow process of wanting to know more, getting out there and trying, and then feeling confident and proud of the results.

Hmmm. Sounds like a recipe for a contented life. Getting past the need for knowing it all, feeling like I'll ruin it by not doing it right. Feeling good about what I can do, rather than bad about what I can't. I think I'll go out in the yard and meditate on it all.

Energy-less

2010-05-23T19:07:00.002-05:00

Before I had kids I wondered if I had enough energy to have kids. I still wonder that. I like naps (and I have napped since high school). I like sitting around and reading. I cannot do 14 things every day. One major event a day is enough for me. I...run...out...of ....energy. And going out at night? Well that's a herculean effort (several times a week at this point). So what's a mom with low energy to do besides getting a Latte every afternoon? Well there are still those naps (I can sleep for 15 minutes in the car with NPR on the radio and always wake up in time to pick up the girls from wherever they are). But man, I can give myself such a hard time about it. But maybe, just maybe I have some other qualities beside energy that are worthwhile. Maybe, just maybe, I could cut myself some slack. So I'm not manic. Maybe that isn't so weird after all. Maybe it isn't the be all end all. I'll dream upon it, during my next nap.

OMG is May over yet?

2010-05-22T19:43:00.003-05:00

What is it with May? Does it have to be quite so crazy? May and September, the parents' busy season. G's birthday and birthday party, 3 other birthday parties for the girls to go to (none closer than 10 miles away), a (long but excellent) piano recital, photos for Derby Lite by the lovely Elektrafire aka Brigette Sullivan of Outer Focus Photos , including "business" pics, league photos and individual shots, the American Cancer Society Walk and Roll, watching Derby Lite get on TV, 3 kids dr's appts (none closer than 10 miles away, during school of course), tons of school events (chorus concert, ice cream social, classroom thingies.....), etc. etc.

Oh and don't forget it's the planting season (I love gardening most next to skating). So I've got at least some of that done and two flats of vinca left to go. (Of course I think I need another field trip to my favorite nursery). Uh, when?

Ok and this doesn't cover parenting (play dates anyone?) , daily life (laundry is me) and Derby Lite business: have I mentioned G is going to middle school next year???

So, I am ready for summer, or something else. Is it June yet?

A little Dutch Boy

2010-05-15T20:11:00.002-05:00

I haven't posted in a while, ok, a long while. I haven't felt like there has been much to say. But here I am. On the eve of another Walk and Roll, which has evolved from being a huge challenge to mostly just a lot of fun (and something to feel good about, because Derby Lite has raised almost $24,000 and I think it will get close to $25,0000 for the American Cancer Society)...but anyway, what does that have to do with a little Dutch boy?

Being a news junkie, this week, I heard about the lone survivor of a plane crash in Libya, an 8 year old boy. He is from the Netherlands, far away from home. It was both, like many news stories, interesting, but far away, and also very personal. It reminded me that I, too, woke, up in a hospital once far from home not knowing where I was or where my parents or my brother were. And I was 8 years old too. The situation was, of course, very different: I was in a car crash in Arkansas (I lived in New York), I got to see my mother and my brother within a day or so of when I woke up (I was out for about 24 hours), but I vividly remember when I first woke up and realized I was alone. My dad died in that car crash, and I knew something was wrong even before my mom told me about that. Kids know. I couldn't figure out what was wrong, but I knew something was.

So hearing about the story about the little Dutch boy, at first I thought it was just an amazing news story. One kid out of a whole planeful of people. But then I realized our world is smaller than we think and we have connections or similarities that aren't apparent at first glance. We are all the same. That little boy's life will change, I might actually understand one little bit of what he is going through. It will be harder than he thought (and he probably will understand way more about what is going on than the adults will realize). But it will still be his life. I hope he will be helped through this, and loved, and listened too.

And me? I grew up with my mom and my brother. I've taken paths and done things differently than might have happened otherwise (of course, I have no idea what "could have happened"), but it's ok, and I'm ok with where I've been and where I'm going. I wish the same for the little Dutch boy.

Hugs and kisses to all of you. Namaste.

A Brand New Ending

2010-02-09T07:50:00.003-06:00

"Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending"...Carl Bard

What a great meditation for the beginning of a new year. Or the beginning of a new day. Or the beginning of the rest of your life.

This really does make sense even for a single day. You can't get out of bed and start the day again, but you can take a deep breath and make the rest of the day end differently than it otherwise might have. What a great way to think about angry, sad or just plain crappy moments. They don't have to dictate the rest of the day. And then extrapolate this out for a week, month, year or lifetime. That's a very Buddhist concept. You have what you have in this moment. Nothing else exists. Until the next moment.

For me, I"m thinking long term and these are things I think about working on every day to achieve a brand new ending:
* Healthier eating/drinking habits (and being nice to myself in the process).
* I'm still working on being nice to my (now achey) shoulder.
* Being the parent I want to be.
* Believing in myself.

(Yes I realize these are all over the board, but that's the way the brain works).

I hope everyone has a great and differently ending Tuesday.

Being nice to yourself (or even parts of yourself)

2010-01-19T16:16:00.003-06:00

I was in yoga class today and my shoulder was stiff and hurting. I was having trouble lifting my right arm all the way up. I have been very annoyed at my shoulder lately, well angry. But it hit me, maybe I should try being nicer to my shoulder. Maybe I should try some loving kindness toward it. Maybe it will get stronger faster better if I'm not holding tension somewhere in my body due to my anger. Maybe the anger at my shoulder is really displaced anger at myself in general. Maybe it's just misplaced all together. So I decided everytime my shoulder hurt and I couldn't do something, or couldn't move it the way I wanted, instead of thinking, negative thoughts about the sorry state of shoulder and arm, I could address myself acknowledging that like the compassion I have for others, I can have compassion for myself and even for my creaky, twinging, uncooperative shoulder. And so I did. Did it make my shoulder hurt less, probably not, but I felt better not trying to control it or to think it should feel differently than it did. I do think it allowed me to appreciate it as my shoulder warmed up and gained a little mobility, and it allowed me to be more present in the class (which of course is the point of yoga). So I'll even say thank you to my shoulder today, it probably deserves a break.

2010 (Part 2): Focus on What's Important

2010-01-01T18:07:00.002-06:00

What's Important for Me to Focus on in 2010:

* My health, physical, emotional, and mental. That means stress reduction, exercise, smart choices. Guilt free taking care of myself.

* Speaking up. It may come out in my obtuse diplomatic way, but it will come out. I will then work on being more direct (I have many people to learn from in this regard!).

* Balance. Allowing myself to create a balance of work, kids, family, friends, me, that works for me and my family. I always seem to have more to do than I have energy for or that I realistically can. Boundaries are hard.

* Being kind to myself (and others). The "myself" part of this is much harder than being kind to others, but is equally as important.

* Prioritize, prioritize, prioritize. This will help with all of the above.

Hm, notice any trends? Yeah me too. So off I go into 2010. Looking forward to work (Derby Lite), health, and joy (coming from balance and kindness). I'm excited about this year. I'll let you know how it works out.

2010 (Part 1): Be Grateful for 2009

2009-12-30T20:30:00.003-06:00

Ok, in a run up for what I'm doing to prepare for 2010, I thought I might post what I have been most grateful for in 2009. (NOT listed in order of significance)

1. Derby Lite
So much to say....the women, the structure, the fun, the fitness, the business..... I could ramble for quite a while. Let's just say it was good, and I passed my 2 year mark on skates.

2. My Friends
I have developed several very strong friendships in the past couple of years, and I had friends who were really there for me this year. I love them all and appreciate them so much. Many friendships have come from Derby Lite (you guys rock, you know), and others from the 'hood.

3. My favorite trainer
My favorite trainer is very talented and very sweet. She's kept my shoulders and knees from going off the deep end, and showed me that consistency really does pay off. And she keeps making it harder. Which I love/hate, but mostly love. (I can do pilates type exercises correctly!!)

4. The ability to see new things in myself and in my world.

5. My girls. They are wacky, creative, smart and downright troublesome. They are awesome.

6. Living right here, right now. Yup.

It's a New Year (again)

2009-12-30T07:46:00.011-06:00

My friend, Scarlett O'Hatchet's post on facebook about focus areas for 2010 reminded me that I had posted something here about goals for 2009. (I'm surprised I actually remember that, by the way). Here's the shortcut version of how I did, or how the year did, or something:

1. Make life less complicated: Well there's always next year. Seriously this is hard! Several things have conspired to continue to make life complicated, most importantly I am now a co-owner of Derby Lite, LLC and that has become time consuming and schedule crunching in odd ways. But good ways, so maybe I can live with complicated for now and just continue to prioritize.

2. Do exercise I enjoy first, and then do the stuff I do because I should: SUCCESS. I am now committed to more physical activity than ever before, and I like it. I anticipate skating 2xs/week, yoga (with friends) once a week, and I'm on a fairly good schedule of weights and core twice per week. More cardio wouldn't hurt, but.....

3. Enjoy my girls: This is tricky. They are getting older and so discipline is always changing. But I think this was a good year for enjoying my two completely different daughters. I heartily recommend getting help with the hard parts (from wherever you can find it...friends, teachers, relatives, etc.).

4. Oh, and wear more sparkly shorts: Mission Accomplished!

I will post about 2010 later after I figure out what comes next and what my goals are for next year. I think I've mastered #4, so now have to think of something else to fill that spot.

Christmas 2009

2009-12-27T09:20:00.002-06:00

How was it different than past years?

* I did most of the shopping online: Amazon, Garnet Hill (killer deal on thick cotton fleece throws), American Girl, etc.
* I waited to wrap until the morning of the 22nd and then did it all in the back of the basement. I am so much more productive in the morning. Trying to wait until kids were in bed to wrap was not working for me.
* I went back to sleep after the present opening on Christmas morning. I think I was woken up at least 4 times by children and was exhausted. I didn't make Christmas breakfast.

How was it the same?
* I was worried I wouldn't get packages mailed, cards addressed and in the mail, gifts wrapped, groceries bought in time for Christmas. I did.
* The girls were very excited. And bored by 2pm (I almost lost it, like usual too).
* I totally crashed the day after Christmas.

I'm not quite ready to get the bins out of the garage to take down the tree, but I'm getting there. And then it's just 358 days until we do it again.

I hear ya!

2009-12-22T12:22:00.002-06:00

Occasionally, I really do need to stop and listen. Today was well orchestrated. Kids home from school, pick up sitter at 10am, get eyebrows waxed 10:30, shop for Christmas Eve and Day dinners at grocery store, drop off groceries at home, go to gym at precisely 1pm, drop off sitter at 2:00, take kids to movie (The Princess and the Frog, which I might add I've been told has a take charge princess which is better than lazy Sleeping Beauty). Screeeeeeech. Nope. First I have to scrape the snow off the car, I used the automatic ignition to warm up the car to help clear the snow off. Opened the car door, put the key in the ignition, closed the door. Click. Car is locked with my purse, keys and phone in it and it's running. Oh, and of course the house is locked. Luckily my neighbor M was just leaving and offered to let us stay in her house (so I could see the car running) to wait. I also used her phone to call Ken Doll. And after I organized myself and between K and I called all the people I was supposed to see in the next 45 minutes, he called a locksmith who appeared within 10 minutes of being called (seriously). It took the locksmith all of 4 minutes to get into my car. It took him at least twice that long to write up the sales check and run the credit card. So my well orchestrated plan was out the door, and re organizing seemed like way too much work for my stressed brain, so I decided to heed the universe and slow down for the day. G and I went to the grocery store and we're going to an earlier movie (me, 4 girls, a nanny and 1 year old....should be fun).

Yeah, sometimes things do not go the way we plan.

Rolling to a Complete Stop

2009-12-06T14:37:00.002-06:00

Last Thursday we practiced leaning: two skaters leaning in toward each other each pushing in with their shoulders and upper arms and out with their feet. If both push hard enough you can come to a complete stop. I feel like I am leaning leaning leaning, and slowing waaaaaaaay down.

Last night was A's 8th birthday slumber party: 4 guests, plus my two girls. Crafts, pizza, movie, cake and lots of trying to not go to sleep. I was amazed by the lack of drama, tears, yelling, etc. It went very smoothly. A started the night off when they were making cards, by announcing that each girl would pick a name and make a card for that girl, and hide it under her pillow. Totally her idea, and I thought it was great. They were a little loud but I did sleep (and so did they eventually).

But I am completely, totally and utterly zonked today. So I'm thinking it's more than the party itself. Maybe the run up to it (which really wasn't that much), plus the overriding feeling of needing to get ready for Christmas. I haven't decorated the house yet and we haven't gotten a tree yet, and I'm having trouble finding the energy to do any of it. Blah, I say, blah. Maybe I can find the Christmas spirit somewhere. Maybe it's in a closet. I'll have to go look. Later.

My life as an American Grown Up Girl

2009-11-26T11:52:00.004-06:00

Yesterday as part of the two week birthday bonanza for A (she's turning 8 tomorrow!) was a trip to the American Girl store in Chicago. We had never been there before, although we have our share of AG "stuff" (dolls, clothes, single shoes looking for a mate, etc.). We went to tea and I told each girl that they could buy one accessory or outfit.

The dining room was well decorated (black, white and hot pink), not crammed to capacity, with excellent service and ok food (in some cases tied to the stories of the girls). When you bring your doll it gets its own seat at the table and its own cup and saucer (they live the good life). The attention to detail throughout the store was really remarkable (to me anyway). The historical character dolls and dolls of the years have their own stories, books, dvds and computer games (not to mention clothing and accessories). The Just Like You Dolls (many varieties of hair color, eye color, skin color, etc.) have almost every theme imaginable available in clothing and accessories (sports, events, holidays, bedtime, etc., etc., etc.). They do have a roller skating package including helmet, pads, and rollerblades: Oh, so close!

I liked the hair salon with the little pink salon chairs with belts so the dolls don't fall out (although that was the most chaotic part of the whole store, although you do get a hair care card when you get a hairdo at the salon), the doll holders in the bathroom stalls so the dolls aren't rolling around on the floor, and all of the variety and quality of books (we got Mini Mysteries and each girl got a character book: Julie Saves the Eagle and Kit Kittredge and the Zoo Mystery (or something like that). I also really liked the little scenes they set up for the each of the historical girls using real items or good reproductions of things in the book that the girl would have had. Julie, the girl from the 1970s had a cassette tape player (I had one!!!!), a bean bag chair (I had one!!!), a Brady Bunch Christmas record (yes a "record") (I had one!!!), and other cool things I became too totally overwhelmed to remember. Oh you can get your doll's ears pierced, but they don't do tattooing, and they don't offer a mohawk in their hairstyles, G and I thought this would broaden the market considerably, but I doubt AG would agree...

It was in fact completely overwhelming, but for once, in a kind of good way. I like the quality and the depth of the storylines. But of course, it wouldn't be America without just having too much of a good thing. Who can make gazillions of dollars convincing a kid that they have enough and just to revel in the character? We will go back, but not for a while. And by then, who knows, they may have added roller derby to the sports outfits. Mini-derbyskinz anyone??

Flime Ties When You're Blabbing Hon!

2009-11-09T07:31:00.004-06:00

Or Time Flies When You're Having Fun, or Life Goes Fast!

Yes, my sweaters have dried in the past two weeks (I have another load I have to lay flat as we speak), we've had Halloween (a drawn out yet fun weekend of 3 parties, Trick or Treating and post trick or treating get together with friends), Derby Lite has half moved to a new space and is dealing with many coincidentally timed administrative events (and it's not fun stuff), I have a dress to wear to the event of the month (Derby Lite's 2nd Birthday party), looking to skating with the girls in the first Derby Lite Friends and Family Skate at D'Lite House (coincidentally timed to be exactly two years from our first practice), and am contemplating my upcoming month of arts events (seriously, I don't see concerts or shows for a year and I had one this weekend, 3 in the next week and a half, and two more coming up), and I'm continuing to skate and do yoga, and work out. Oh yeah, and we have the holidays coming up, right?

So things are busy. Mostly good, but busy. I've been reflecting on the past couple of years lately, many reasons to do that, but sorry, not bloggable. (I know, I've been told I'm a tease). And realize how important they have been to me. I think my 30s were a time of stability for me. I got a grown up life and my main focus was working, until I had kids (late 30s). My forties have been a time of figuring out who I am, minus much of the work identity (which literally got me through my late 20s and 30s), plus kids, plus what else is there?? And along came some great women (on and off skates), and Derby Lite. I didn't know what I was looking for. But of course it's more complicated than that. I had to be ready for it when it appeared. And I guess, now I'm still getting ready, just not quite sure for what. But I'm hoping my eyes, ears and heart will be open when life starts talking to me.

In the meantime, life flies by. Sweaters to dry, garages to clean out, kitchens to clean (yet again), kids to raise, etc. etc. etc.

Winter Laundry

2009-10-23T17:29:00.005-05:00

If you know me at all, you know I find laundry a tedious, overwhelming and heinous chore, only made bearable by the fact that I like clean clothes. As I was doing laundry today I realized why winter laundry is even worse than summer laundry.

1. More layers = more clothes in the laundry= more loads.
2. Socks (enough said).
3. Bigger clothes (jeans, etc.) = more loads
4. Even more "dry flat" labels. I do not posess endless horizontal space on which to nicely lay out blouses and sweaters that need to "dry flat".

I have taken over the hall bath (aka the girls' bath) with my "delicates". Maybe in my next life I will request a huge finished laundry room with a minimum of 20 feet of counterspace and another 20 feet of hanging space. (I didn't mention that every possible hook and rod is covered with undies, bras, tights, derbyskinz, cami's and things that don't have to dry flat but can't go i the dryer....) For now, I just have to hope the girls don't trample my clothes.

Uh, and no, you don't need a bath tonight, you can wait until my sweater dries!

My Blog World

2009-10-14T08:55:00.005-05:00

I am a creature of habit and of people. I only read a few blogs and they are written by women about various aspects of their lives. It's not that I don't think other blogs would be interesting or worth reading, I just tend to be really interested in people, and generally people I know. I caught up on 3 blogs today (all of which are listed below) and was really impressed with the writing and the thoughts. They all brought something to me and contributed to the swirl already dancing in my brain this morning. What's interesting is how they are ostensibly about very different topics and written by women I know in very different ways. One is by a friend since 8th grade who lives on the East Coast. One is by a skater girl, who has a very unique voice (both on and off her blog) who blogs about skating, fitness, food and now the clothing in her closet. And the last one I read today is by someone I don't even know personally. She writes about training for and competing in Ironman Triathalons (and it takes both physical and mental/emotional training!). She's amazing and quite an inspiration, as are my other blogger friends.

I love when I find questions that other people have in their minds that relate to what I'm thinking about/worrying about/stressing over/dreaming about. It's my own personal cyber community so thanks L, Poppy and Irongirl! You've made my day better already. I hope someday I can do the same for you.

Skating Year 3, just like Year 1

2009-10-12T11:39:00.004-05:00

Somewhere back in year one of Derby Lite there was an article about us in the local paper. And I think I was quoted as saying the skating was a kind of zen experience (or at least I was thinking that at the time) because it I find I have to focus and have to be present (which as many of us know isn't always, or ever, easy). It's really hard to think about kids or job or anything else while you are concentrating on doing something very specific physically. The one time I got hurt with more than a bruise I was doing something fairly straightforward and realized I wasn't paying attention. I sprained 2 fingers. There is little daydreaming or anxiety thinking when skating. And I think that is why I love skating most.

Yesterday afternoon, I was in a huge hurry to get to practice, not in a great mood. And thinking this isn't "my skating" time because I'm there participating as a part of the "Derby Lite" instructional/management/getting stuff done team for the Park District class. I wasn't getting excited about it. And then Helsa Wayton was there, getting us moving. Even if she "lowered it a notch" it was still hard even before we got on skates. And I like working hard, and I like breaking down how we skate. It didn't matter that this was a beginner class, and that I know how to do crossovers, I found ways to be challenged, and yes, I got to focus. I was able to laugh with fun women. My mind cleared. I got the same thing out of it I always do and left happier than when I got there. This is why I love skating and love Derby Lite.

I know it's not skating per se that is magical, but we all need something that will let us get out of our own heads. We should all celebrate when we find it. Because finding it, and doing it, no matter what "it" is, is magical. So I'm celebrating skating. What are you celebrating?

Moms just wanna have fun!

2009-10-05T07:52:00.004-05:00

I have much more fun than I did a few years ago. I think that's good. I spent the weekend with my oldest friend. We primped, we ate, we shopped, we slept late, we drank wine, and we laughed! It was, in fact, fun. And relaxing.

These days, I go more places, I do more things. Not to mention having more friends and spending more time with them. As a mom, wife, chief cook and bottle-washer it can be hard to prioritize fun. But as a queenly woman I know says "if mama isn't happy, nobody's happy". And I think it's so true. We do have many responsibilities in our day to day life. Doing things we love, and being with people who make us laugh, help us deal with the difficulties inherent in all those responsibilities. And let's face it, although those responsibilities can be extremely overwhelming at times, kids grow up fast. And before you know it, that 4 year old who hates it when you leave the house, is going to be a 12 year old who has a very full social life. When they are grown up, who do you want to be? I want to be someone with friends, interests, meaningful work, and someone who still remembers how to have fun.

Derby Lite 3 Years Later

2009-09-29T20:20:00.003-05:00

I started skating in November 2007, one of the 13 originals (although I didn't have my skates at the very first practice, I actually sat and watched), and started blogging about Life in the Rolling Lane in July of 2008. I just re-read some of my older posts. Wow. Those two years have gone fast and covered a lot of ground.

Sunday, was THE very first Derby Lite Park District Program skate. We have expanded. I high fived B and said "we have a business". It was an amazing feeling. We started talking to the first Park District in December of 2008. We agreed in principle sometime in the March/April? We gave the Park Districts language to use in their catalogs early in the summer? And then on September 27th. It happened. 15 women all with skates on. Yeay. We did it. It was amazing. And they improved in their very first hour of skating. They were falling and stopping like old hands. It was awesome. And exciting.

I stayed on for the Derby Lite: Original (that's the name for us skaters who have been in Derby Lite for a while and who still operated independently of the Park District) practice. Under Poppy's leadership we practiced a drill that included 2 minutes of lots of little steps, almost like running. I get going too fast though. That's what life has been like in the past year. I run run run run run, and then have to break because I'm going faster than I can handle. Skates and life. Yup, that's the Rolling Lane. And I'm glad it's still rolling out in front of me.

Shhhhh. It's a Secret!

2009-09-26T17:35:00.002-05:00

Well, not if I post it here. Sometimes I wish I had an anonymous blog where I could talk about things I think are important, but which, well, I don't want the whole world to know. See a blog is great for level 2. Level 1 is hi, my name is....., I have two kids, live in xxxx, and oh, yeah I like to roller skate. Level 2 is talking about things that actually matter to me as a person, that are important or super funny, or maybe even geeky (imagine that). But if I want to talk about more intimate details of my life, I'm certainly not going to post it here (sorry). Having a blog at all was a huge step for me (previous mindset = omg, if people know too much about me I'm doomed -for any one of 679 mostly non-sensical reasons, but still). So I've gotten over that, and in the process (and in conjunction with having more girlfriends who are strong, smart, fun and all those other things you want in a friend than I've ever had before), I am finally opening up more (to them, to me, to the world). And so now I think, I would love to write about......But it's not going to happen. At least not here. Maybe there will be another anonymous blog. Hmmmm. Gotta think about that.

The Law

2009-09-23T07:50:00.003-05:00

Do you ever have extra energy and it becomes a project, or the need to booty block people, or a new rule at home? For some reason, that's me this week. Ok, I only feel the need to booty block people on skates (cut in front of them, go into a plow stop and slow them down, weird, huh?), but I've been all over my kids: new tv rule (I'm so tired of the love of tv ruling my kids' behavior), putting their own laundry away (and if they don't put it away nicely, I'm not folding it anymore) cleaning up so I don't have to spend 2 hours doing it before the cleaning ladies come. I need extra energy to encourage/force them to do things around here. My realization is that if I am the only one who ____________ (insert household chore here: deals with dishes, puts stuff away, manages laundry, etc.) this house will never be neat and organized. I can't keep up with 4 of us. Nor do I want to. So there you have it. I am on a roll!

An Excellent Day

2009-09-20T18:28:00.002-05:00

Today was a good day. I have enjoyed slow(er) Sundays the last two weeks as the rest of the week has seemed toooooo busy. Yesterday was two soccer games, a swim class and a block party. When G said she wanted to go home at 7:30, I was right there, and happy for a quiet hour at home.

Today I got up early and read my usual sections of the New York Times . Had coffee, took a shower and went to breakfast with two old friends - previous neighbors. One still lives nearby and we drove together, and the other moved at 25 miles west, so now we meet in the middle at a diner and have Sunday breakfasts periodically. It was really good to see them and to talk, and I ended up thinking "thank goodness for girlfriends". And we all decided more frequent Sunday breakfasts are in order.

Then the two of us local gals hit up Costco (I go there twice a year to stock up on a couple things and it's less overwhelming when I'm not in a hurry and not by myself). And I came home to an empty house. (Ken Doll took the little Dolls to the Field Museum.....yeay!). And I went skating. We had a fun filled practice. Even 10 minutes in hell was only hellish. We did several relay races which are always fun. I STILL can only do a turn stop in slow motion, but my plow stop turn is better so despite my goofy fall I wasn't as spastic at the relays as I have been in the past. Progress is slow, but it IS progress. And mostly it was FUN. And the newbie Derby Liters did a great job.

I came home again, but this time to a full but quiet house. Girls will be kicked off the tv shortly, dinner (frozen leftover enchiladas - awesome) is in the oven. And I'm drinking a Sierra Nevada. An excellent day, indeed.

Lemonades from Lemons

2009-09-19T07:17:00.002-05:00

If you read this blog, you'll know that I bonked my car's bumper on another car last week. Yup. Need a new bumper. So that's the lemons. I will be paying for most of it as we had chosen a high deductible. (Ken Doll the economist determines most of these things, and I say "ok" which usually works out). But the lemonade is a complete detail! My one year old car was very sad inside. My 9 year old wanted to sit in a booster because the seat was too icky!! And soon after I got the car, someone banged a door or something into the front wheel panel and left both paint marks and scratches. (These things only happen when a car is new). Apparently they buff the car during the detail which should get out most of the paint and at least reduce the scratches.

So this morning, I get to go pick up my new car. New bumper, newly cleaned, newly buffed. (Sounds like a spa treatment, doesn't it?) And the person who's car I bumped? Never called me. Maybe I didn't scratch their bumper. Maybe I just get karma points for leaving a note. Karma points are pretty good lemonade too.

Now I just have make sure I look all the way around when pulling out of a parking space.

The Class Clown

2009-09-14T13:05:00.003-05:00

When I skate I am the class clown, in a New York kind of way. I don't set out to be. But I think when something is hard (like our 20 minute "warm-up" yesterday of squats, footwork, running, etc, or the seemingly impossible skating drills we did -- all thanks to Helsa Wayton). I get just a wee bit snarky. Sarcastically whiny. It's my way of saying "I'm really nervous that I can't do this. If I'm funny maybe you won't get mad at me." (NOT that anyone would be mad at me if I couldn't do something, that's just the wacky lady who lives in my head, I think I'll call her Edna). This is mostly reflexive and reactive. I make my comments to myself (but not really to myself, you know?) and then I work hard. I'm not giving up, nor do I have real bad attitude, just a fake bad attitude. I kind of wish I would just be quiet and work hard. Edna, can you keep it down, please?

In all honesty I should have more confidence. Even if I don't excel at all skills, I do make progress. Why I need to deflect any expectations that I'll be able to keep up or to follow along, I'm not quite sure. Let's list some of the things I thought I'd never be able to do skating and now do with various degrees of agility and skill:

Fall on demand
Walk/run on toestops
Jump
Turn on skates from one direction to the other
Skate outdoors, and deal with minor surface obstacles
Step right in front of someone to block them and not assume I'll fall down
Realize that falling isn't usually that bad
Hit wheels with someone and not fall
Alternating cross overs
Wear shiny shorts

So there you have it, multiple reasons to keep Edna quiet. Maybe I just need to remind myself of all this next time I have to work hard at something on (or off) skates. Edna, please go find someone else's head to live in. I've got important stuff to do.

Sept. 11

2009-09-11T07:33:00.003-05:00

Has it really been 8 years since the Terrorist Attacks? 9/11 has become one of these landmark events in life that slowly creeps away from us, only to sneak back up on an anniversary or when something else happens that reminds us of it. Like the reminders of a death of a family member.

I was so far away from the terror of that day and yet it felt so personal. I think many people felt that way. I was worried about my family (h.s. student, worker, fireman and policeman in Manhattan), about friends who live and work in DC, about my husband working across the street from the Sears Tower with a boss who told them they needed to stay at work, even though it was a start up with no operations and no customers (well that company didn't work out), and about G (who was completely safe at daycare, but that didn't really matter at the moment, I wanted her with me).

I remember thinking, Uh oh Al Queda, there goes Afghanistan when I saw some of the first news reports . I remember G making towers out of legos and knocking them over. Oh, and I was 7 1/2 months pregnant. The skies over Chicago were empty for the next several days (talk about strange when you live near O'Hare). There was a sense of something bad about to happen (again).

We mourned and cried over the lives that were lost, the stories that came out over time, over the devastation. That day has receded from the immediate. And then comes an anniversary and you think about it all again.

Now, I'm at the point about explaining it to my kids. They know what happened (sort of), but explaining who Al Queda is and was, how it happened, what it was like. How it fits in the pantheon of things that can happen but are extremely unlikely (all parents have a long list of those to help kids understand but not scare them half to death). But where do go with our kids?

I believe, we need to teach them to be curious about the world around them. About other cultures, peoples, religions. As parents we have a responsibility to create caring, empathetic and informed citizens of our country and our world. We need to know why what happens in Pakistan matters, why religion is both good and can be used for bad. Where fanatacism comes from and how to mitigate it. Why the rest of the world matters, when we have everything we need/want/could dream of, right here. We need to instill compassion and knowledge. They eventually need to learn the truth about the world, that people can be unsparingly kind to each other and also unsparingly evil. What we can do is to be aware, speak up, and work for kindness.

Start of School

2009-09-10T17:59:00.003-05:00

My last post seems like it was a lifetime ago. "BS" "Before school". I've had many school year starts. All of my own (18 including grad school), and all of my kids (6 including pre-school). I think it's a rough start (for various reasons) every year. This year has made me feel like I'm reaching in all directions at once. Maybe it's the double soccer schedule, plus 3 brand new activities (piano, guitar and Mandarin), adding back some tried and true ones like swimming, trying to feel like I have a job (it's called working at a start-up and being a stay at home mom), and it's things I've volunteered to do (our school's webstore and the "welcome" committee for new families). I'm hoping all of my angst and brain drain culminated in my banging into another car pulling out of a parking spot yesterday. Serious dent to my bumper, some scratches to the other car's bumper. I left a note with my phone number (no one has called yet), called my insurance company and thought, oy, now I have one more thing to do...get my car fixed (the bumper is loose so it does need to be fixed). If it goes downhill any further I'm in trouble.

The good news is I've gotten through 3 weeks (almost anyway) and have been where I was supposed to be most of the time. Gotten done what I need to do most of the time. And no one has gotten hurt (the bumper doesn't count). The next two months are going to mostly be a blur, but if I keep up my "most of the time" success, I'll call it a victory.

Excuse while I update my spreadsheet for the week!

The Last Friday Girls Night of the Summer

2009-08-28T19:49:00.002-05:00

It's also the end of the first week of school. Hurray, we made it.

Girls Night:
A cooperates with my fun project: covering a box for homework papers. It looks really cool with her drawing and use of paper.
G: refuses my "fun" project, breathes for 10 minutes and comes back to help me cook dinner. She will get stuck with a plain homework box, so there!
All: We all eat one dinner (pasta with spinach and feta, one of the few things we all eat at least part of. A eats pasta and feta with remnants of spinach, G eats spinach and feta, no pasta, I eat the whole thing (Ken Doll hates it so we eat it when he isn't home). I also drink wine.
A and G: beg to stay up late (like midnight late) to watch the Wizards of Waverly Place movie. I say, let's find another movie.
Me: Check email, clean kitchen, need to leave computer to watch movie and make popcorn (National Velvet?)

I love nights with my girls!

4 Ways to Tuesday: When the Philosophical and Prosaic Meet

2009-08-26T07:31:00.003-05:00

Part I

If you ever see me appearing tipsy at 10:00 in the morning, it’s most likely because I am anxious. I have long known that when I am anxious I am very chatty (I can be very very or even very very very very chatty depending on exactly how anxious I feel). At the parent coffee today on the first day of school, it appeared as if I had spiked my morning coffee (which I swear I hadn’t). So what am I so anxious about? Starting a new school year and other parents. That’s about it. So little and so much.

This year, my anxiousness was reduced to being very very chatty. And in some ways it was fun, and in some ways I was seriously afraid I made an a** of myself. It’s the loosening of my tight grip on myself that is so hard to gauge. When do I feel better, and when do I just feel silly? Today I felt silly (was I too loud, too goofy, too talkative??). Are other people horrified? Maybe. Part of me says, of course they are, wouldn’t you be? And part of me says what did I do that was so wrong and if I did so what? But of course the critical voice is much louder in my head than so what voice. So even writing this feels too revelatory at the moment.

I left literally feeling like I had a hangover.

Part II

G and Trina at lunch at Portillos.

Me: So, G would you like me stop asking me questions about school?

G: Yes.

Me: Sometimes when I’m anxious I talk a lot.

G: Yes, I’ve noticed.

Me: And I think I’m kind of anxious about the start of school.

G: Yes, I’ve noticed that too.

Part III

After lunch G decides she really wants to chill out and we come home. I start reading Shambhala Sun magazine (Shambhala is a Buddhist lineage and of course part of a catchy tune “How does the light shine…..). The second article is “Silencing the Inner Critic: The nagging, negative voice of self-judgment…is a powerful affliction best met with courage, kindness and understanding.” The article goes on to say “The judgmental mind is governed by seizing upon the particulars of ourselves and others and mistaking those particulars for the truth.” And in talking about meditation and compassion says “The path invites us to extend kindness to ourselves and all beings and to learn to see a thought as a thought rather than as a description of reality.” Uh, do you mean that because I think critically of myself doesn’t mean that I should be critical of myself?

Part IV

Oh and then I realized I had taken medication that can make me really hyper at times. So maybe the whole chattiness thing was because of that or some combination and not totally because I'm anxious and so hard on myself. AHHHHH. I get it! The message from all sides is : Chill Out. Excellent advice no matter where it comes from.

(This post was edited on Wednesday to reduce the chattiness from Tuesday when it was written.)

A 7 Year Olds Essay

2009-08-15T09:16:00.002-05:00

There is a Webkinz essay contest (max 1000 characters) to write an essay about a Pterodactyl and win a "virtual" webkinz. This is A's entry (she is going int 2nd grade in two weeks!). I helped out with spelling, she did the rest (It's about 850 characters). And she worked on it for about an hour. I'm a proud mama whether she wins or not. And clearly purple is a good color for Lily.

The pterodactyl's name is Lily. Flying is good for her because she will probably scare away the animals that would eat her. She could fly to Kiddieland. She loves banana splits and lemonade. Her favorite toy is a bouncy ball shaped like an egg. She has to stay on a leash or she will fly away. Her best webkinz friend is a yorkshire terrier named Puffy. They read a lot. Their favorite to read is a beauty magazine. They have a secret clubhouse in the owner's basement in a blowup palm tree. The house is made out of styrofoam. Lily sleeps in a treetop bed. She rides in a horse drawn carriage with her owner. Lily is in a rock and roll band and takes ballet. She wears a purple sparkling dress with purple sparkling high heel shoes and a purple sparkling head band with a bow. If I win, Lily will be my best friend. The end.

Getting Past the Plateau

2009-08-14T07:57:00.002-05:00

Plateaus happen in all kind of endeavors, physical training, weight loss, learning new skills. They are extremely frustrating. You are working, working, getting better, getting better, and then all of a sudden you're not getting better, even though you are still working. Then it becomes a mind game you play with yourself. Maybe you can't get any better, maybe this is it for you. That is what happened to me with skating.

I have been skating for 20 months, almost two years. I started off in the middle of the pack so to speak. I could skate fairly well in the skatewise direction, I had no problems doing crossovers, I sort of learned to stop (I banged into many a wall the first year), my endurance was average. And then last fall I felt myself falling behind. I had friends who I thought were getting better and faster and stronger and I was really struggling to keep up. I couldn't do turn stops, I couldn't get through a pack well, I was timid. My shoulders were killing me, then I fell ice skating and my knees were killing me. Lucky for me, by then I was devoted to Derby Lite (and was becoming a part owner) so quitting was not a viable option for me. I kept at it, even if I wasn't skating enough or as well as I wanted.

I was finally able to fall on my knees without hurting in June (I got really big kneepads which seemed sort of magical). I started going to some Sunday practices which are not as much about the game of roller derby as skating, and found by sort of slowing down, something was clicking for me (I am forever grateful to Papillon T. Logical, my kindred spirit in the dissection of skating). We played keep the plushie toy away (we have teams each with it's own little stuffed animal, and the idea is to keep your toy moving, but only within your team), and it was really really fun. We scrimmaged one night and I got stuck behind Poppy and another blocker and the rest of my teammates were no where to be found and I got really mad and really wanted to figure out how to get past them the next time. There is a huge difference for me between getting mad and feeling bad. We did some pack drills and I started being more aggressive. And then last night I blocked someone really well and almost felt bad, but actually I was really proud of myself. And in a couple of drills I've actually gotten past people. By pushing hard through and skating my a** off. I haven't fallen really hard or gotten hurt. Which sort of reinforced that it's ok.

Somehow I've stopped being afraid of getting in front of people or of getting right next to them and pushing them out of my way. Oh and I've learned to use my assets to block more effectively (and I have a lot of assets to use!) It's very exciting. So I'm calling my plateau, officially over!

Hurray! When can I skate again?

Warning: A Soapbox Post

2009-08-07T14:49:00.003-05:00

Please wait, while I climb on my soapbox.

Ok, I'm up. Ladies, we are all to concerned with the number on the scale, whether we are too fat, or skinny, or have stretchmarks or cellulite. (And I am in that boat with you). Think instead of the moments when you look in the mirror and say, "Dang, I look good". You could be dressed up, could be wearing a flattering color or flattering shirt. Doesn't matter. I keep trying to think of those moments, when I realize I've gained weight and it's not going anywhere. When I see a photo. At the gym today I was there in pants that might be too tight, and cute yoga top that is 3 or 4 years old, but when I looked in the mirror, I didn't see the usual "too big" me, I saw a women who looked attractive and somewhat fit (and who knows maybe it was a skinny mirror or unusually flattering pants, or maybe that's really who I am).

It made me unhappy to hear a bunch of attractive, hip, fun women talk about their bodies in negative ways, when trust me their positives totally outweigh the negatives. Everyone one of them is gorgeous (and they can all booty block if you know what I mean). Life is too short to think you're fat. Yes, you should take care of yourself and work toward being healthy, but get over that whole "I'm too......" whatever. We are gorgeous women. Inside and out.

And yes, today is a moviestar underwear day (thanks Baubo).

A Garden

2009-07-24T18:54:00.003-05:00

I have been plotting a clever post about my newest obsession: the unreality of the Real Housewives of New Jersey and Orange County (it's a guilty pleasure to watch them and provokes a need to remind yourself how much more real you are than they are). But, I planted some plants to fill in holes in the back garden today and decided that the joy I get from gardening and plants is really more interesting than my clever sarcasm about strange ladies with strong personalities and a lot of cleavage.

Our backyard is very small. Our lot is odd for a older suburban area: it's on a bend, and we have a large front and side yard. Our backyard is kind of like a courtyard because there are garage backs on two sides. When we moved in it had a very old and ill honeysuckle that took up about 20% of the yard. We had some orange daylilies and added a kiddy sandbox. There were no real plants to speak of. Oh, and on the side of the garage there was a Japanese knotweed jungle. Japanese knotweed is in the bamboo family and had at one point taken over the space by the garage (I'm talking a grove of 20 foot tall stalks), behind my other neighbors garage, and into the yard of the 3rd neighbor. I literally spent 2 years eradicating the bamboo. It spreads by underground rhyzomes and the roots can be 3 inches thick. It cannot be dug up. I used round-up. A lot of round-up. Over and over and over, every time a little plant came up, I sprayed it and waited for the next one. At the beginning of the 3rd summer I planted groundcover and some native wildflower seeds.

Slowly I added plants: liatris (aka gayfeather or blazing star) from bulbs, coneflowers, and hardy geraniums. Some annuals along the way. Then we did construction and our yard was totally destroyed, but at the end the honeysuckle (which had some odd fungal disease) went. We got new sod, and a few foundation shrubs, and trellis at the garage with clematis.

Cut to today: I bought some Stella D'Oro daylilies and mountain garlic (a kind of allium) and planted them in some of the holes (I planted other things earlier in the summer.) I love the kind of wild prairie or English garden look. After I was done, I sat in a chair, turned on my little fountain, and realized that I really liked how it was shaping up. And even more importantly, that I had created it. That I had planted most of the plants myself, had decided where to put things, had pulled out 16 gazillion violets and other weeds, triumphed over the bamboo and made a space I love.

Even though many of the plants are young and have been under seige by the chipmunks and rabbits, I have a feeling that it will be the garden I want it to be, and a quiet space that I can love (and the garden is the view from the window at the sink where, of course, I spend too much time!). A place to sit with a glass of iced tea or wine, or a book or just to sit and think. What a nice realization on a Friday afternoon.

Control is an Illusion

2009-07-14T11:18:00.002-05:00

Yeah, I know big surprise. Today is a perfect example. I had a plan, babysitter, appointments, etc. And then all of a sudden I felt really sick. You know the kind of sick, when you need to be at home for the benefit of all. Now I'm not sure if I'm really sick or having a side effect to a new medication. So not only am I not in control of my day, I'm not in control of my body or even in control of the knowledge of what's going on with my body today.

Frankly, I feel completely out of control and overwhelmed. Well that's perhaps a bit extreme. I manage our lives (meaning me, the girls and to some extent our family), but I feel like I'm always climbing uphill trying to catch up the bouncing ball that is always just in sight but unattainable. I vacillate between thinking the problem is my time management skills, housekeeping skills, etc. and thinking it's really more an attitude issue. I cannot keep my house neat. I can do a lot of things (many of them rather well), but this seems beyond me. I also am having a lot of trouble focusing on Derby Lite (aka my business) when I'm cleaning up the kitchen for the 8th time today, or running yet another errand, etc, etc.

I can think of several things I've learned over the years that seem to apply (and have been really hard to put into practice).

Stephen Covey always says work on what's important, not what's urgent. Of course that makes perfect sense.
I will fill up every waking minute with commitments if allowed. Meetings, projects, etc.
I think I deserve to be on my schedule (yoga, exercise, meditation, healthy eating) and yet I seem to be the first thing to go. It's easier to reschedule myself than others (but of course it never happens)
The phrase "stop me before I volunteer again" is meant for me.
Only I can decide what's most important to me. And only I can articulate that to other people. (Can't you read my mind????).
Doing something for one minute now will probably save me 5 minutes in the future (think putting things away when you use them, spending 15 minutes everyday straightening the problem areas in the house).

So that leads me to the question, if I decided to articulate what's important to me, and used my time management skills to do what's important to me, would I have more control? Feel more in control? Is it a matter of commitment (to myself)? Or is this all a reason to go with the flow and stop trying to be in charge? Or some combination. I find it to be quite a conundrum

I will think on it. For now this made me realize how far behind on laundry and bookkeeping I am. Off to do both, at once.

Road Trip: Days 4 and 5

2009-07-10T20:38:00.002-05:00

I am looking forward to rollin' on home tomorrow. I have retrieved G from camp. She had a wonderful time (which is both no surprise and a relief all at the same time). We are outside Toledo (woo hoo) at a hotel teeming with a family reunion.

Yesterday was pretty low key. Amish food, German food and a horseback ride. The ride was really fun and A did a great job. We stayed at the same place as Sunday night, and A continued to have a great time with the ducks at the pond even without the other kids.

Today we wiled away the hours until we could pick up G. After feeding the ducks (again), we went to a flea market which is both for tourists and the locals (I saw Amish men buying carpeting, and I bought Amish baskets). I have to say I'm glad I'm past the Amish food. It is plentiful, but heavy and somehow over processed - or overcooked or oversauced or something. Then A stated she didn't want to look at things, she wanted to do something. So we went back to a former favorite: Hirschbergers....excellent fry pies, which are like hostess pies except the originals. This time we petted lots of animals....goats and kids, 8 week old puppies, a miniature horse, a humungous Percheron (19.3 hands for those of you who care), a zorse (half zebra half horse), calves, bunnies, etc. Then we took a pony cart ride, those are the little carts that children often drive. The girl who drove us looked about 11 or 12 and said she'd been driving on the roads ever since she can remember. Wow, a different world. The Amish kids are so independent so young. Interesting perspective on youth and childhood.

Then FINALLY it was time to get G. And I wasn't late and I wasn't first in line, so it was all good. G has told me that she baked bread twice, got up to milk the goats every morning, and that hot chocolate with real dark chocolate and goats milk is THE best. Her straw hat is red on the inside from picking raspberries and putting them in there! She also loved the animals and her chores except for cleaning out the puppy stall (ick) and the spaghetti dinner. She has said that she is SO going back next year. After ice cream and buying cheese (another local specialty) we drove 3 hours to Maumee OH and said hotel. Only 4 or so hours to go.

I welled up when I picked her up. And apparently hugged her one to many times ("I'm getting tired of all the fawning over me" she said!).

Next year, I will not spend 6 days on the road. Now I remember why I haven't done road trips for a long time. But I don't like the idea of 32 hours of driving in one week, so I'll have to figure something out. Oh wait, there is a spa nearby.......

Road Trip: Day 4

2009-07-08T18:22:00.003-05:00

We switched our day up a little. We ate breakfast and then went swimming and got a late start on the day. A was victorious and we went to "the mall". You know, those big shopping places we don't have in Chicago....I picked this hotel because it's near Cuyahoga National Park, but, of course, we haven't been there. A told me we might be able to take a walk there tomorrow. Seriously, A has very definite ideas about what's fun for us to do together. And she is usually right. The mall was fun. She ate an amazing cupcake as a snack (see the before and after). We got some good deals on tshirts at the Gap, and she managed to decide she didn't like some of the more super duper trendy kids stores, that made me happy too.

We came back chilled out, and went to dinner across the parking lot. Not having food delivered to our room was apparently quite a problem. But we perservered. Now we're back for the evening. Watching Disney Channel!

Tomorrow we head back to Amish country and a horseback ride. But maybe we'll get that walk in first. Parental hope springs eternal.

Road Trip: Day 3

2009-07-07T19:37:00.004-05:00

Today took us to downtown Cleveland (we are about 30 miles from downtown) to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Great Lakes Science Center (a kids science museum).

A was very excited about the Hall of Fame, as was I. I didn't realize it was also the day of Michael Jackson's memorial (which they were simulcasting), but that didn't cause too much hullabaloo. Seeing him as a young boy with the Jackson 5 was really very poignant though. A was interested for the first 20 minutes and then the overwhelming amount of artifacts became boring very quickly. I don't know if it was because I was with a 7 year old, but I also became kind of bored. Now we didn't get to see the movies (they all had "mature themes"), but there are only so many costumes, album covers and photos I can look at. The things I really thought were cool were the handwritten music and lyrics by the musicians. There was a Bruce Springsteen exhibit, which was well, more artifacts. I wish they had done more for kids (seems to me it wouldn't be hard to do, show them some mixing, dubbing, put them on stage, etc.....). Anyway after an hour and 20 minutes or so, we moved on to lunch. And the museum store. There was a great gift store, I must admit. I think I may have missed a lot, I felt like I saw big chunks of certain times/musicians and none of some others. Maybe it will make more sense when I see it without kids.

The Great Lakes Science Center was right next door. The most interesting part was the "phenomena" exhibit which was a whole bunch of hands on demos/experiments for kids, like different ways of generating electricity, or using magnets, or manipulating light. It was a little crazy in there (it's one big open space and there were several camp groups there) (one little boy tried to rip something out of A's hands while we were figuring out how it worked...reading directions, imagine that!. I told him we were using it, and A just looked like a deer in the headlights!) She liked the museum and thought it was fun.

Then of course we had a snack. We sat outside at a bench on Lake Erie. It was a gorgeous day.
Back at the hotel we had a swim, I'm amazed at A's ability to create a whole game/story in her head and play quietly by herself in the pool. When she's around G I don't see as much of her "quiet" side.

A has a definite idea that when we are at a hotel we shouldn't have to leave at the end of the day for dinner. So tonight it was room service, but really service from a restaurant that the hotel uses as room service -- actually much better than most room service. A is watching a movie on the DVD player as I type this. She will surely get tired eventually, right?

We aren't sure what we are doing tomorrow. A is pushing for a mall. I'm pushing for Cuyahoga National Park (they have a scenic railroad, a canal towpath and a historic village and farm). Guess where I think we'll end up?

Until tomorrow!

Road Trip: Days 1 and 2

2009-07-06T18:51:00.004-05:00

Yesterday at 8:30am, the girls and I hit the road. We drove from Chicago, through Toledo to Millersburg, OH. That's in the east central part of the state. Amish Country. We were dropping G off at a weeklong farm camp. 8 hours. Oddly enough it went well. The girls were mostly in good spirits (besides being hungry the whole time despite the weeks worth of groceries I packed as snacks). The hardest part of the drive was figuring out if I was on the right track given the bizarrely complicated Mapquest (and Google Maps) directions for traversing rural roads. I wisely bought a map. So much easier. SO....we made it. The hotel we stayed at is hotspot for departing campers and we met a bunch of them at the wiener roast. There are people from all over at this camp (OH, IN, MI, PA, NY, WVA, IL etc.) But last night 5-10 kids played at the edge of a pond for almost 3 hours. Feeding ducks, building things out of muck and rocks, and just being kids enjoying a beautiful July night. It warmed my heart to see kids interested in the same thing as my kids.

I finally got the girls to bed, and at breakfast there were even more camp kids at the hotel. Because the roads are so narrow and windy, I followed someone to make sure we made the 3 miles to the farm at the prescribed time. I'm sure I'll write more about the camp, but in the meantime, suffice it to say, all went well. G is now on a farm, doing farm things until Friday. I can't wait to hear about the outhouse and life without electricity. (Seriously)

And A and I, well we're in a nice hotel, waiting for pizza to arrive, watching Beethoven (movie not composer), having swum in the pool and visiting a place called Rolling Ridge Ranch.

Rolling Ridge Ranch is owned by Mennonites (I think) who have a gazillion animals. You take a ride through it on a horse drawn wagon and get a bucket of feed. The wagon stops and the animals come over looking for a handout. By animals I mean all different kinds of deer, alpaca, llamas, longhorn steer, caribou, water oxen, ostriches, donkeys, zonkeys (half donkey half zebra), plus other animals I wasn't quite sure of. A loved it. Some of those animals were quite aggressive. I had a bucket tug of war more than once and won. There were so many baby deer I sensed an auxiliary business (venison stew anyone?). One caribou with very large antlers stuck his head in trying to get a wayward bucket of feed and pinned a 3 year old to her seat with his rack. She was not pleased. Her mom sacrificed the feed to distract the beast. All was well.

How did we get there? Well A picked out all of the tourist brochures at the hotel that looked like fun, narrowed it down to the two best, and picked one for today and one for Friday when we are back in that area to pick up G. The small town (Berlin) is touristy, and was crowded. It's a town but there are Amish and Mennonite farms 1 block from the "strip". It's your average mix of antiques, crafts and restaurants. But we managed to bypass that to see the ranch. I can say it was an extremely interactive experience. Between the nice man who drove and told us what we were seeing, and then stopping, feeding and petting large animals, it was quite a time. A said it was the best zoo ever. There was also a petting zoo (goats, cows, ducklings and bunnies). And that was all before lunch.

So we ate and drove ourselves back to suburbia. (between Cleveland and Akron) Not sure what we're up to tomorrow. Might be the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Cheers from the road!

An Actual Post About Skating

2009-06-29T07:48:00.003-05:00

Yesterday I went to a Sunday practice. Sunday are lower intensity, aimed at newer skaters and more about skating technique than about roller derby per se. We have higher intensity practices where we do a lot of drills to improve our roller derby skills (blocking, jamming, skating in packs, speed management, developing strategy, etc.). But I still really like technique practices too. They can be a good workout (just keep 'em moving) and since I skate from my head (rather than or in addition to intuitively) I find them helpful in focusing on skills and understanding what works and why (and having the time to play with weight transfer, balance, muscle isolation, etc -- yes I'm a bit of a geek).

Yesterday we worked on skills we've worked on many times before: stopping. But what I realized is that I can still have moments of clarity on things I've been working on for months. I realized my general skating abilities slowly improve, my strength and muscles slowly increase, my confidence slowly increases, and then wa-la I can plow stop effectively (sort of like when you ski except using one leg more than the other) and use the plow stop to do one of my nemesis drills: the suicide. (You know, run to the closest gym line, touch it, run back to the start, off to the next line, etc.). My turning ability has always been less than elegant (picture the turning of a large 1970s era car, vs. turning a Honda civic). It actually all clicked for me yesterday, there was a light bulb over my helmet! (the light for those who care, was in fact blinking between pink and brown).

I've been skating regularly for 1 year and 7 months, and it's a process. I actually really like that. That I can work on something, get a piece of it, come back to a month or two later, and get more out of it. I know that some people skate more intuitively, and practicing more basic skills can get boring, but as long as I'm working at it, playing with it in my head as I do it, finding ways to challenge myself, (and don't have to do it toooooo long), I like it. It's also about presence. Yes I can stop without really thinking, but if I am focusing on it, I'm focusing on it, and not on laundry, groceries, getting my car serviced, or any of the other 1000 things I'm always thinking about. That's actually one of the biggest benefits of skating.

(And as an aside, my continued joy in skating really makes me believe in the future of roller derby as a sport: for everyone! )

So the rolling lane is rolling along. Long live Roller Derby! Long Live Derby Lite! Viva Underpants!

The Rolling Lane has been, well, rolling

2009-06-22T07:23:00.005-05:00

And rolling all over as it turns out. After the Walk and Roll, the girls and I went to my cousin's wedding in DC (which was lovely and included seeing my brother for the first time in a long time - Happy Birthday Bill! and meeting his wonderful wife) , came home for the end of school hullabaloo, and headed back out to the DC area for a quick visit with friends (and a visit with A's pandas at the National Zoo) and a week of hiking in Shenandoah National Park.

I love hiking. I love being outside and wandering. I call it my german peasant walking gene (the love of walking seems to run in my family from grandfather to uncle to brother and me). I've had dreams of backpacking the Appalachian trail, and this time we walked sections of it for a couple miles at a time. That used to be my version of doing something that would be very hard, yet very rewarding. I still think that, but have opted for other activities that don't take a month to complete! (Besides those packs are really heavy!).

This is our fourth "nature" vacation and the first in which I felt I earned my hiking boots (a pair of Vasques which I love!). We've been to the Tetons/Yellowstone, Glacier, Olympic and Shenandoah National Parks. This year we took 3 hour hikes on average, which after breakfast, driving to the hike, getting lunch and getting back turned out to be all day affairs. And climbed and descended a fair amount on very rocky trails. (That's where really liking the hiking boots comes in). The girls have become quite intrepid, but we still use "energy pills" aka skittles to motivate. Shenandoah is very accessible with lots of trails in a small area. What it's lacking in water (I missed the lakes and streams of mountains out west) it makes up for with rocky outcroppings and views that even a 7 year old can appreciate.

Some other hiking tips with kids: don't fret if they wear the same filthy clothes several days in a row, it just makes them look like the 20something backpackers. Enjoy the 32 visits to the lodge gift shop, make friends with the cashier! Hot chocolate for breakfast? Every day? sure! Encourage the eating of exactly the same food for 11 of 12 breakfasts/lunches (G ate a hamburger every meal but one, when she had ribs). Count the animals, kids love animals (we saw 3 bears, 1 bobcat, 50+ deer and spotted fawns, a snake and a toad). Oh, and I have I mentioned liberal use of skittles?

It was great fun, and we saw no kids on any of the trails, although there were some at the lodge. Take your kids hiking! They can't play with electronics, read a book or otherwise ignore you. Especially if you are holding the skittles!

A Few Photos from the Walk and Roll

2009-05-18T17:27:00.004-05:00

Before, After and my very own, NY Doll Poppydoodle!

I PR'd at the Walk and Roll

2009-05-17T18:28:00.003-05:00

Ok, that's athlete lingo for "personal record". I learned that from a serious athlete, an Ironman triathlete (check out the Ditch the Tiara blog!). Now honestly, it would have been hard not to given the situation last year (a scary path + me a relatively newbie skater + me hating outside skate obstacles = at least a 2 hour skate last year, and being the LAST skater back). Last year my PR was skating 10 miles, at all. And frankly, not being so traumatized that I'd VOW never to skate outside again.

This year was so different. I knew I could do it (I've skated 8 miles and 10 miles respectively over the last two weekends on the same much improved path as we skated today). I'm probably in better shape, generally and skatewise. I have a strategy (if not the best one) for dealing with going down hills. I have been working on silencing my negative "omg, omg, I know THAT will make me fall" voice. And I had a goal. My goal was to see if I could skate the Walk and Roll in one hour thirty minutes. That's a far cry from last year, and actually about a 15% improvement from what I estimated I skated last week.

Ok, my stomach has been bothering me the last few days (indigestion-y) type stuff. I couldn't really eat much breakfast either because I was anxious. So I had a banana, 2 bites of cheese and ham freezer breakfast thing, and a couple of spoonfuls for cereal (whole oat cereal, though). I knew I was in trouble when I was hungry when I got there at 8:20 (we didn't skate until 9:45). Luckily, all participants can get free water, propel and fruit. So yes, I ate another 3 bananas. I also drank a lot of water and took electrolyte water with me. And for the first time I wore a knee gasket on my right unstable knee (it's a tight neoprene tube, less structure than a brace, more structured than my knee).

I started off very slowly (really bad pavement at the start, and I don't like crowds when on roller skates, silly me), made it down the first hill without either falling, or walking down the grass. I think I thought, "wow, I can do this". Meaning, I can try to reach my goal. I CAN. So much better than, I can't.

The rest of the skate was great. With my slow start I actually hauled butt for a mile or two to catch up to other Derby Liters. And the successes came. I didn't fall at the two street crossings (I usually wait for an audience to fall). I didn't fall at all, actually. I heard other skaters telling me how to keep going. B, how to stroke powerfully up hill, Poppy how to consciously think of stepping when you're nervous to, Kristen talking with me on actions to engage those important (and large) glute muscles. I drank my electrolyte water, ate a few shot blocks, hung out with the most amazing Mia Bustya, and skated 10 miles in 1:35.

Now, trust me, this is not objectively fast. I passed the first roller blading speed skaters coming BACK at 3 miles, the first Derby Girls around 3.5, and the first Derby Liters around 4. They lapped me most figuratively. But that was ok, because my sense of personal accomplishment was based on my goal (AHHHH!!!). And I had a goal I had to work for, yet was achievable. And I came so close, I call it even.

Hurray! Now I feel like a truck ran over me, but that's another story. Half marathon in July, anyone? Seriously. Maybe.

Oh, and DL is still the top, non-corporate team. Personal and social cause accomplishment at the same time. Excellent.

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Mom-Daughter Group

2009-05-16T07:40:00.002-05:00

I had an idea (yes, I know, sometimes I have too many of those). This was a good one, though. Get together a bunch of women with similarly aged kids, and use each other as resources for raising health, confident, happy daughters. And we have started to do that. We've discussed bullying, gone bowling, and made pottery (just last night!). We talked about the girls being in a non-judgmental, non-school, non-popularity based group to give them a safe place. But what I didn't think about, was that I have many insecurities as a mom. (Ok, not just as a mom, but we're talking about the mom-daughter group so I'll stick to that). And in order to get the most out of the group, and the other moms, and the other girls, I have to be willing to ignore/bypass those insecurities. This is a good thing, but hard. And it needs to be a conscious decision. If I can let go of those worries and anxieties (at least a little bit), it frees me up to enjoy my kids, other kids and friends. It allows me to hear what other people have to say, and not hear it as a criticism. I'm not other moms, and their kids aren't my kids, so while we may all approach things differently, I need to remember that I want the best for them and their families and (hopefully!) they want the same for me. It's kind of a Buddhist loving kindness perspective on parenting. I think it's extremely valuable to remember that, though. In a time when we measure so much about our kids (between school, sports, etc.), we are all really just trying to do the best we can. What I hope for the Mom-Daughter group is that we all (girls and moms) can find resources, friends, and help each other to figure out where we are going and how we can each take our path to get there.

Point - Counterpoint

2009-05-15T09:07:00.002-05:00

Point: Email about Buddhist meditation from Dharma Craft.
Counterpoint: Email about dance party (picnic with 100 people) after skating 10 miles.

Point: Spending from 11:30-12:15 with 1st and 3rd graders at a recorder concert (yes 85 3rd graders playing the recorder) and then at field day lunch.
Counterpoint: Meeting about a skating floor at 2:30.

Point: Thinking I'm starving for breakfast.
Counterpoint: Reading Poppy's blog, that I have a reason to carboload for the next 2 days.

Point: Bummed that it looks like rain for kids' Field Day at school (outside games are WAY better than being stuck in the gym).
Counterpoint: THRILLED that the weather looks good for the Walk and Roll.

Point: Wearing my pseudo hippy girl skirts and jewelry.
Counterpoint: Knowing there are sparkly shorts in my drawer.

Point: Being excited about hiking on vacation at a National Park with the kids and Ken Doll.
Counterpoint: Being excited about going to Rollercon (THE Roller Derby convention).

It's the potential contradiction that makes it all interesting. I love all of it.

The NY Doll Theory of Legs

2009-05-12T15:01:00.004-05:00

Yes, legs. Between what I've learned skating, and what I've learned from my most fab trainer, Kristen, I have developed a theory of what I need to work on with my legs and how it all ties together when skating. This, of course, is not really new. But it's new to me. And I'm fascinated by how our bodies actually work to make us go. (And from a day to day perspective, Kristen's help with my shoulders has been even more important, because I suffer from long term injury issues and easily lose range of motion which hinders things like getting a bra on or taking off a shirt -- so while working on my legs is cool, and super helpful, and injury preventing, the work on my shoulders is literally a shoulder saver).

So here we go.

Ok, my quads are too strong relative to my other leg muscles. Especially my right quad. Kristen has had me working on watching where my knee goes when doing side to side squats and engaging outside quad and glute muscles to balance out my quads (which make my knees point in a little bit, when doing those squats). Ok, then, the big AH-HA moment came watching Dyna-Mo go down a hill e x t r e m e l y s l o w l y. How did she do it? A beautiful wide legged plow. The key being pushing out as hard as you can through the outside of your heels, and hips. What you are doing is forcing the energy out instead of down (like a snow plow on skis) and it slows you greatly. When I do this, I sort of don't slow down, and oddly enough start to turn. The reason is ....... my glutes! They aren't strong enough. Quads cannot push your legs out while your feet are facing forward. Ahhhhh.

Looking at the diagrams, we talk about our quads and hamstrings, but there are literally a boatload of muscles in our legs. Our quads are actually 3 separate muscles, and if they are not equally as strong or strong in the right proportions, your knee may not be as stabilized as it should be. Seriously, after skating for a while my knee literally starts to feel like it's floating, and I feel it creak and move. Ick! Again, it goes back to the muscles being out of balance. Oh, and the other thing is that if one muscles isn't pulling it's weight (literally and figuratively) another one will jump in and compensate. This is good if the weak muscle is weak for a reason and cannot be stronger, but bad if you are trying to be more balanced and prevent injury.

The cool thing is that if you can figure out which muscles are doing what, you can strengthen the ones that need it. There is an exercise to target everything! I have been doing bridges forever (lay flat on your back, knees bent, flat on the floor, raise your hips), but with a few tweaks and ensuring proper positioning, you can target different parts of your butt. I have been instructed to do those every time I skate to kind of fire up the glue muscles so that my body will use them instead of going straight to the quads.

So while I have always had a love/hate relationship with my legs, maybe I can develop a new appreciation for their ability to change and their willingness to keep me skating.

Mothers Day

2009-05-10T16:00:00.002-05:00

Happy Mothers Day to all the Moms!

For me it's been a great day: skating 10 miles (yup 10!), coming home for a nice hot shower, and then going to brunch with Mr. Doll and the girls. Oh, yes, that was followed up by reading and taking a nap.

I got awesome presents from the girls. They each made me a card. G gave me a copy of her class poetry book, and A had a project from school with "My Mom".

Here are some choice excerpts:

G's card. "I love how you always give me a second chance!! So Happy Mothers Day!"

One of her poems
The water is spraying everywhere
The mist is like a veil of silk drops
The rocks are like a path to heaven
The water rushes so near but is impossible to see through
The water comes from above
but ends in a place with more water and keeps moving
I see the most luscious foliage everywhere
I feel like I am in heaven with my friends.

A's book
My Mom and I : My mom and I like to snuggle in her bed, and go to the mall and get pedicures.
What My Mom Likes: My mom likes me, the color green, my sister, my father, and roller skating.
The Most Important Thing My Mom Does: is take care of me and love me and be my mom and provide me with food and water.

After all these second chances and providing food and water, I'm feeling pretty good about my mothering this year!

Life can be easy, or life can be hard

2009-05-09T19:14:00.002-05:00

Today, 3 girls (one mom, 2 kids) going to lunch at Portillos then on to pick up a birthday cake for a later party.

A: Mom, turn around I forgot something.
Me: What did you forget?
A: A stuffed animal.
Me: No, we're not going back for a stuffed animal, unless you'd rather have the animal than eat at Portillos.
A: Hmph (fake cry, whine about the animal, etc. etc. etc.)
Me (after 5 minutes): A we can have a happy time together, or you can keep complaining, and I can be angry and you can be angry, and then G will be annoyed that we're both cranky. And you still won't have your animal.
A: You make it sound so hard that way.

P.S. She got over it.

The Business

2009-04-19T07:37:00.003-05:00

First let me say that my delay in posting is due to my inability to find any pithiness in my day to day life lately. Both too much and nothing to say at the same time. Life is like that sometimes.

Anyway, the business.

G and A have bugged me for years to have a lemonade stand. It seems like this is the entrepreneurial dream of 3/4 of the kids in our neighborhood. But yesterday there was a housewalk with 4 houses on our street, so it seemed like a good time. But, I stipulated that all revenue was NOT profit. I told the girls that they would need to pay for ice, and 1/2 of all supplies used (lemonade mix, cups, bottled water). They agreed (perhaps a bit reluctantly) to my investment proposal. And off we went to the grocery store. Then A made an awesome sign, we set up the table, and the business was launched. G is a good sales person yelling, "Lemonade, Water, get it now, get it fresh," at every walker, biker and car with open windows (they did make 2 sales to autos). After 1 1/2 hours (which seemed to be everyone's limit), I got $5 back, and the girls each made $4. Not too bad. Although business was brisker at the COMPETING stand right in front of the houses on the walk. And it surprised me that lemonade sold better than water, I think the lemonade may have been underpriced. Lessons for the next time we open "the business".

Rolling to Springfield

2009-04-05T08:32:00.004-05:00

This week was Spring Break. Instead of making off to a tropical destination, the girls and I road tripped to the Illinois state capitol, Springfield. Being the Lincoln Bicentennial, this seemed like a good time to go to the Lincoln Museum (which has been open for 4 years). We also visited Lincoln's New Salem which is a reconstructed town that Lincoln lived in prior to moving to Springfield (as some of you know, although Illinois has totally appropriated Mr. Lincoln, he was born in Kentucky and lived in Indiana before coming to Illinois). Lots of log cabins, and re-creations. I even learned a few things.

I had some trepidation about spending 4 days uninterrupted with the girls. Hotel rooms are pretty small. But we did quite well. Their attention spans at museums and reading little signs is limited, and some of the scenes at the museum were a little overwhelming (Willie Lincoln's sick bed, and the re-creation of Lincoln lying in state). And did I mention A doesn't like to walk much? Yeah, well besides that it all worked out. The girls thought Applebees was the best thing ever, we found a nice restaurant for one dinner, and the girls got to swim in the hotel pool 5 times in 3 days. Does it get better than that?

I really enjoyed listening to Gooney Bird Greene audiobooks with the girls in the car. Even G who claimed she just wanted to read was listening and laughing. Those are really good books, and with G always in a book, we don't get many shared book experiences. Gooney Bird is a hoot. And just enough like every kid to be totally lovable.

Tomorrow it's back to the reality of school and the rest of it. But it was a good Spring Break.

Who Was I Again?

2009-03-31T08:56:00.007-05:00

I'm sure you've heard the adage, as we get older we just become more of ourselves. It's really true. I started out as pure me. (I am using the first person, because: a) I am, in fact, talking about me, and; b) it's much easier than saying we and us, and risk overgeneralizing, although I think we all have our own version of this.) So as a baby I had no thoughts of anyone else, just me. I really was able to see the world through my own eyes. That lasted until 3 or 4 or 5? And I think the next 30-35 years were spent with me figuring out where the "me" fits in with the world that is really very little me and mostly everyone else. But I think part of getting older (wiser?) is changing the perspective back, and giving more credence to what I see through my own eyes. Not ignoring everyone else, but not ignoring me either. It's all about balance, right?

I have learned (slowly and sometimes painfully) that my perceptions of how the world works can be warped. Mostly my perceptions of myself, and generally to my detriment. I have been told I can be very hard on myself, and am working to find a place for seeing the world through my own eyes. If that makes any sense.

A couple of things have me thinking about this. Facebook, oddly enough. The possibility and reality of connecting with people I used to know and who knew me "way back when", and who still have that image of the younger me, even as we interact as the people we are now. And the intersection of things I knew I used to like, didn't do for a very long time, and have found I still like. Roller skating, and giving parties are two perfect examples (I was quite the hostess in jr. high and high school -- the first boy/girl party for 6th grade graduation, the first drunk fest New Years Eve freshman year of college (18 WAS legal in NY at the time!)). And lastly loving things I never knew I would, like gardening, hiking, and being a parent. This is what "Life in the Rolling Lane" is about, not least because skating has been a huge wake-up for me in many ways, but because we do keep rolling along, sometimes veering widely off the path, but generally finding our way, and moving forward to wherever we are supposed to be rolling to.

A Tea Party

2009-03-29T14:58:00.002-05:00

Here is what you need for a tea party:

1 pot of peppermint tea
1 pitcher of oj
3 pieces of cake (or other treat)
plates, silverware
fancy teacups (we have two heirlooms from my grandparents)
napkins, doilies, or place mats to decorate the table
a lovely centerpiece (little pitcher with tissue paper flowers0
handmade invitations

And of course, me, G and A.

A lovely time was had by all.

Where Did That Come From?

2009-03-25T10:33:00.004-05:00

Yesterday I got the phrase "The World in Quiet Stillness Lay" into my head. I don't know why. I do like it though. I knew I didn't make it up, so went looking for it. I'm not quite right, it is "The World in Solemn Stillness Lay" from It Came Upon a Midnight Clear (yup, the Christmas carol).

Isn't that strange? My brain found a phrase that it must like, pulled it out, and made me pay attention to it. Why? What does it mean? (Besides that I like the peacefulness of it....maybe it's a sign that I need more peace in my life).

I'll have to see what comes up next.

Photo courtesy of A.

Everything is on Sale!

2009-03-24T08:15:00.003-05:00

Is it me, or is the whole country on sale? I think that marketers are better at what they do than most people. Everything at the Container Store is 25% off, their Elfa closet organizers are 30% off. Don't you think that if you got the RIGHT container you would be more organized, and life would be better? Bins, boxes, baskets, you must NEED something, right? And thus the American consumer goes back to the store. That's good, and bad. Good because if people don't buy things, people don't make things or ship things or buy houses. Bad because we know, of course, that many of us already have enough bins, baskets and boxes.

I was at Nordstrom over the weekend. Pants that were $79.99 last spring are $59.99 this year. I can't decide if that's great for me, or if it totally annoys me. The Juniors Dept (BP for you aficionados) has cute jewelry and scarves at a good price. It allows you to be trendy and feel like you are saving money (well, compared to shopping in the other departments, of course, you are not saving money if you wouldn't have bought anything at all).

So where does all this leave us? It's not all about money. (I think about freecycle, which is great on many levels). It's more about how we build our lives. I think a lot about this, but still don't know that I have any answers. Except regarding kneesocks: always buy cute kneesocks on sale.

Breakfast at Our House

2009-03-21T09:36:00.005-05:00

Since I have recently posted (and received comments about) the kids breakfasts on facebook, I thought I would expound on my breakfast philosophy and just what we (well mostly the kids) eat.

I think that anything that is not totally junk food is fine. I always compare the nutritional value to a bowl of semi-sweet cereal....if it's more nutritious, I'm cool.

So here is what my kids like to eat:

G
===
Guacamole
Nachos (with little bits of jalapeno)
Bagels (with butter or butter and jelly, depending on the type of bagel)
Popcorn
Left over chili or taco meat
Yoplait Lime Yogurt
Occasionally ramen noodle soup
Cheese (only Rembrandt gouda from Marion Street Cheese Market of course)
Whole Foods instant cinnamon spice oatmeal, or maybe, in an extreme pinch, apple.
Peanut butter and jelly on little crackers (Whole Foods Bite Size Stoneground wheat only)
Any kind of fruit (except bananas and mangoes)
Occasionally toast with peanut butter

A
===
Left over pasta
Bagels with cream cheese
Left over pizza
Pirate booty
Yogurt
Oatmeal, if served with brown sugar and half and half (what can I say?)
Goldfish
Saltine crackers
Cheese (more variety than her sister I will say)
Plain pasta with olive oil and/or parmesan
French Toast
Pancakes, whenever she can get me to make them.
Most any fruit.

Me? I will pick on any of the above. My favorites are oatmeal, muesli, yogurt and bananas.

Someday I will post about the true insanity of G's lunches. They are really wacky. They make breakfast look pretty tame.

Happy Spring!

2009-03-20T14:21:00.006-05:00

Today is the first day of spring (I think).....Spring = Sunshine (at least until it rains, but then the sun will come back out, and be even more wonderful because it just rained for a day, or two, or five)

Well here are some songs about sunshine (or vaguely sunshine related) that I think of, you could say they have sticktoitiveness (some in a good way, some in a please get out of my head way).

Sunshine on My Shoulders

sunshine, on my shoulders - makes me happy
sunshine, in my eyes - can make me cry
sunshine, on the water - looks so lovely
sunshine, almost always - makes me high
if i had a day that i could give you
i'd give to you a day just like today
if i had a song that i could sing for you
i'd sing a song to make you feel this way
sunshine, on my shoulders - makes me happy
sunshine, in my eyes - can make me cry
sunshine, on the water - looks so lovely
sunshine, almost always - makes me high
if i had a tale that i could tell you
i'd tell a tale sure to make you smile
if i had a wish that i could wish for you
i'd make a wish for sunshine all the while
sunshine, on my shoulders - makes me happy
sunshine, in my eyes - can make me cry
sunshine, on the water - looks so lovely
sunshine, almost always - makes me high
sunshine almost al the times makes me high
sunshine, almost always

Walking on Sunshine

Oh! Ohhhh yeeeh
I used to think maybe you loved me now baby I'm sure
And I just cant wait till the day when you knock on my door
Now everytime I go for the mailbox , gotta hold myself down
Cos I just wait till you write me your coming around

I'm walking on sunshine , wooah
I'm walking on sunshine, woooah
I'm walking on sunshine, woooah
and don't it feel good!!

Hey , alright now
and dont it feel good!!
hey yeh

I used to think maybe you loved me, now I know that its true
and I don't want to spend all my life , just in waiting for you
now I don't want u back for the weekend
not back for a day , no no no
I said baby I just want you back and I want you to stay

woah yeh!
I'm walking on sunshine , wooah
I'm walking on sunshine, woooah
I'm walking on sunshine, woooah
and don't it feel good!!

Hey , alright now
and don't it feel good!!
hey yeh ,oh yeh
and don't it feel good!!

walking on sunshine
walking on sunshine

I feel the love,I feel the love, I feel the love that's really real
I feel the love, I feel the love, I feel the love that's really real

I'm on sunshine baby oh
I'm on sunshine baby oh

I'm walking on sunshine wooah
I'm walking on sunshine wooah
I'm walking on sunshine wooah

and don't it feel good!!
I'll say it again now
and don't it feel good!!

The Future's So Bright

I study nuclear science
I love my classes
I got a crazy teacher, he wears dark glasses
Things are going great, and they're only getting better
I'm doing all right, getting good grades
The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades

I've got a job waiting for my graduation
Fifty thou a year -- buys a lot of beer
Things are going great, and they're only getting better
I'm doing all right, getting good grades
The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades

Well I'm heavenly blessed and worldly wise
I'm a peeping-tom techie with x-ray eyes
Things are going great, and they're only getting better
I'm doing all right, getting good grades
The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades

I study nuclear science
I love my classes
I got a crazy teacher, he wears dark glasses
Things are going great, and they're only getting better
I'm doing all right, getting good grades
The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades
I gotta wear shades, I gotta wear shades

You Can Tell how Much I Like to Skate because:

2009-03-17T14:45:00.002-05:00

1. When I realized I couldn't reschedule my weekly workout time (weights for 30-40 minutes) I decided to do the workout and skate afterward.

2. I didn't turn around when I realized I had nothing to carry my car keys and phone in while I skated.

3. I decided I'd much rather grab up all my gear, plus food, plus water and drive 25 minutes each way, than just put on my sneakers and take a perfectly lovely walk.

4. I passed Oakbrook Mall, and heard the siren song of a department store that sometimes calls to me.

5. I didn't turn and go to Cost Plus, where I have been wanting to go for a couple of weeks.

6. I was willing to eat a really cruddy pbj on stale bread (I actually got an ok tuna wrap, talk about luck).

7. I didn't let my winter fears stop me (in my mind, the hills had grown, and the cracks in the asphalt were 6 inches wide....none of which was true). After 1 mile, I was confident and loving it.

7. I wasn't sure when I would get a shower later in the day.

8. I managed to ignore all the guilt about the myriad things I "should" have been doing.

It is a glorious spring day in Chicago, sunny and 70 degrees. I skated 5 miles! Not bad for my first time out this spring, after a strength workout. I can't wait to get back out again.

A Sensitive Day

2009-03-16T21:01:00.002-05:00

Do you ever have those days when anything remotely touching threatens to make get you all teary eyed? I had one of those days. And I'm not really sure why. I think it has to do with my overall emotionality, like how much do I repress, and how much is trying to come out.

Today, reading an interview of Michelle Obama by Oprah in O Magazine almost had me going. It was the part about how her kids still have to make their beds, and that the staff was told that they shouldn't be treated like princesses, but like kids. I read it out loud to G, and she gave me that "Mom's off her rocker again" look. I found it really touching. For some reason I feel like I could know Michelle O. She's just about my age, similar (if not exactly the same) background, I lived in Hyde Park, we have kids close in age. Of any woman in politics, she's the one I feel I have the most connected to. Who knows. Maybe I am off my rocker. But I hope that the example she sets will connect to many women today.

And the big kahuna of teariness today: G's Brownie Troop made and served dinner for 60 at a shelter tonight. They also set up the shelter cots. The shelter is held in nearby churches and rotates. G, of course, has never been up close and personal with homeless people. Seeing all of the well scrubbed faces of our Brownies, contrasted to the rows of mats on the floor for the people to sleep in was a little jolt. I've lived in the area for 20 years and had never seen the shelter or helped out. What an important service in our community. And they find people to work there year in and year out. I was so proud of her, and all of the girls and their ability to be of service, to help others, and maybe, just maybe to reflect on their own situations. Just thinking about it is making me a little misty.

Ok, so I've tucked them in and given them their kisses. Maybe I'll get a glass of wine and have a little cry, just because.

A Trip to Target

2009-03-15T18:59:00.003-05:00

I went to Target today with G and A, in between lunch at Portillos and swimming lessons. A needs a long sleeved black tshirt for the opera she's in this week (she's an animal in Noyes Fludde, aka Noah's Flood). Well it's March, someone said they had black long sleeved tshirts and I thought cool, just what I need. Nope, at least not in kids sizes. But every trip is rather entertaining in, and of, itself.

* G and A bought toys with their allowance, including a remote control skunk (huh?).
* I heard a lady looking for baby stuff who found a clerk to help her. "I'm looking for anything Winnie the Pooh. Oh, but that's not classic Pooh. Well why don't they have that bib with Eyeore? Eyeore is classic Pooh. No, I just need an accessory, not to spend a lot of money". I felt sorry for the person helping her. It really wasn't just anything with Winnie the Pooh, now was it?
* G decided that today was the day to pick out clothes for me. She informed me that she is a fashionista. (For those of you who know G, that's funny).
* I found Target versions of a designer I like (someone who makes purses) and in this case there were a jumble of accessories, like desk accessories, glasses, a canister without a lid -- very Target all in all....good stuff but you can't really find all of it, because everything is thoroughly picked over).
* We went into the Family Dressing Room, so I could try on stuff that G picked out. She also had to try on a dress she wanted and A tried on a nightgown with pandas (!) on it. They looked good. I did not. How do you try on clothes with girls and not say, "Does it make me look fat?", because I WILL NOT say that to my girls. Makes it tricky though.
* In addition to the panda nightgown, we found a panda tshirt. It was panda-rific!
* I found a new crop of leggings. Most people have never seen me in leggings (lucky you). Especially cheap Target leggings. But I like skating in them. So much so, that I sent an email when I got home letting all the Derby Lite girls know that there are lots of leggings at Target. I got a pair of tie-dyed and another pair of lace. Cool!
* We actually managed to leave without the bunny ear headband A seemed rather intent on.
* I spent an absurd amount of money and have a feeling I didn't buy half of what I really needed. I'm sure I'll remember tomorrow. Maybe I'll try to go back by myself. Possibly less entertaining, but probably will spend less money.

Just a normal Sunday at Target. Part of my normal weekend. I'll take it.

Things Don't Always Go the Way We Plan

2009-03-07T18:55:00.002-06:00

I was trying to explain to A that sometimes things don't work out the way we want them to. And sometimes we can learn from it, or take something from the experience.

Today, A was all excited about a local St. Pat's parade. Derby Lite was supposed to skate with our roller skate car float of world domination. Then at 10am there was a huge downpour, and rain was predicted for the rest of the day. The parade wasn't called off, but we weren't skating. I was disappointed not to skate , although I know that skating in the rain when it's 45 degrees, or even walking in rain that cold, would be totally miserable. Not to mention the future of our float! Anyway, A still wanted to go to the parade, even if it rained. She was inconsolable at the thought of not seeing the parade. So we went to a bar/restaurant near the end of the parade route, met up with friends, and she had a great window seat with which to view the parade. Then it started raining, then it started pouring. Serious downpour. The parade was kind of sad from then on.

We left after the parade, and A told me it was the worst day ever, that it wasn't a good parade, it was boring, and she should have stayed home. So I told her that all experiences are good and and can teach us things. That sometimes we can't plan how things turn out. She wasn't buying it. So next time there is a parade, or something she wants to do in iffy circumstances, I wonder what she'll do? I admire her desire to get out and see what's happening, to go do stuff. I hope she doesn't lose it, because it rained on one parade!

International Women's Day

2009-03-05T12:32:00.004-06:00

Today is International Women's Day. Do what you can to support women in places where discrimination, poverty and war, rule the lives of women, thus affecting their families, and their societies.

Some things to think about:

* The ongoing brutality and rape of women in the Democratic Republic of Congo.
* The Taliban forcing the Pakistani government and NGOs to close schools for girls due to real threats of violence against students, their families and teachers.
* Extreme hunger and famine currently in Zimbabwe.
* Continued discrimination against women in many societies leading to lack of education, inability to work to sustain themselves and their children, and accepted subservience of women in all facets of life.
* Poor, uneducated women exist in the US too!

We, as Americans, well educated, extremely prosperous by world standards, with freedoms and possibilities that many others can't imagine, can lead by example, with our voices and with our dollars. Education of all, including and especially, women and girls is the key to a better future for all of us, in my opinion. This is why I give money to Women for Women International, Room to Read, and Central Asia Institute (links down at the right of this page). I find their missions extremely important. I can't imagine where I would be, or who I would be if I had been denied an education and the ability to use it to pursue opportunities. I hope to impart the importance of that to my daughters as well.

Here is an exerpt from a letter I received from my "sister" in DRC: "As for me I am doing a bit well so far, but only God knows about tomorrow". She has 6 children, ranging in age from 3 to 11, and her husband is jobless. She is receiving training and will hopefully be able to work once her program with Women for Women is complete.

Think about what matters to you, and how you can help. A little help from each of us, can mean a lot of help for women around the world.

Ok, now back to Thursday.

Disaster Area

2009-03-04T14:41:00.003-06:00

"Excuse, me Mr. Governor, can you please declare my basement a disaster area.

What? No not a flood. Excuse, me did you ask if it's a natural disaster? Uh no, well you see, I have two children. And in order to play their extremely complicated games....No, not chess, hold on, you'll see. I meant to say in order to make up their very complicated scenarios, they have to use every fairy, animal, and person we have. How many? Well at least a hundred. Probably more. Uh huh, Uh huh, well, of course we have bins for all of them. But some of the pieces are very small and they have to make accessories out of every teeny bit of stuff/junk/crap, in the house (rocks, tiles, plastic, etc.). Hmmm. Yes, they are very creative, but it is exceptionally difficult to clean up, so they don't. No, they never really finish the game, they can keep going forever, they just set it up again with more stuff. Oh, me? How did I get involved? Well eventually, I go down there, and attempt to clean it. But it's too big a job for me. I was hoping to get a hazmat team in here. Oh, I see, I have to fill out forms A, B through DD and F. Oh, in triplicate, and I must provide suitable protective gear? Oh well, ok then. Good bye. Thanks."

This is a cautionary tale from my house to yours.

If you see the hazmat guys in the white suits with the little paper booties, please send them my way!

A Weekend

2009-03-03T14:45:00.002-06:00

Last weekend I got a mommy timeout. I spent two nights alone at a hotel. A nice hotel, very hip, very modern, very quiet. Or at least quiet inside the room, downtown Chicago is never all that quiet. But there was no "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy" for 48 hours. I read (a lot), slept (a lot) went to the Art Institute, did some walking, and had an aromatherapy wrap. Generally I didn't do much. I came home and felt more relaxed with my kids than I had in a while. I think timeouts should be prescribed for moms as liberally as they are for kids who are overstimulated, overworked and overtired. Ours just need to be a little longer, and maybe a little further away.

Why do we need more than a 1 hour massage to chill out? Well because we know that after that 1 hour away, we are headed right back to whatever it was that crazed us in the first place. You can't really relax all the way through in an hour. It wasn't until Sunday morning that I really lost track of time, and stopped thinking about what I should be doing or what came next. It's like putting meat in the oven, it gets cooked on the outside long before it's cooked all the way through. It takes a while. And every once in a while, we deserve it. So plan yourself a mommy timeout.

Support the American Cancer Society

2009-03-02T10:10:00.003-06:00

A new post is on its way (I'm mulling it around), but in the meantime, check this out.

I will be skating 10 miles (for the second year in a row) to support the ACS.

http://main.acsevents.org/goto/trinabockus

or

http://main.acsevents.org/goto/derbylite

Ivy and Bean

2009-02-23T07:22:00.003-06:00

Ivy and Bean are a great series of books for kids (maybe more for girls, but they aren't really "girly", no fairies, no unicorns, no endless pink). They are neighbors, who at first seem to have nothing in common. Bean is kind of a tomboy, always getting in trouble without meaning to. She really wants to be good, but often is not. She has an annoying, bossy older sister. Ivy seems to be a "sweeter" kind of kid. She is much more low key than Bean, but she has lots of ideas, and the confidence to try them. And her plans are fairly complex, not always as simply "nice" as one might expect. Like casting the ghost out of the bathroom at school, or reforming bad kids or animals to entice the birds to visit. She brings Bean along for the ride, and the combination is always very funny, and very sweet. I love reading these with A. They are fun for parents to read out loud (unlike some of the more girly, fairy, unicorn, pink books as there is an entertaining plot, and things to talk about.) There are 6 books in all, and we have read 4 of them I think. I'm glad we have a few left. I think I will miss Ivy and Bean when we are through, and hope that each of my girls will find her Ivy or Bean somewhere.

A Perfectly Lovely Evening

2009-02-22T17:57:00.002-06:00

Last night was one of those evenings, when it's just you and the kids, and it's a really nice time. Mr. Doll had to work yesterday and went out to dinner with a friend. That left me home most of the day with the girls. This is often a recipe for being worn out and cranky (on everyone's part) resulting in too much t.v. and not enough girl time. Yesterday, A was gone for most of the afternoon at a friend's house, and I went to a parenting talk at the library. leaving G at home with a babysitter. I wasn't feeling really well and napped for about 40 minutes when I got home. I broke the bad news to the girls that I wasn't up to going out, but that I would order Italian food, and make a fire. A fire seems fairly benign, but it always seems to improve the mood around here. Maybe we are craving ambiance or heat or both. We ate our dinner, then moved to the living room, sat by the fire, I read and the girls used the laptop in front of the fireplace. A decided she wanted to camp out in the living room. So she got the sleeping bag and near bedtime we read a few chapters of Ivy and Bean. (I love Ivy and Bean books, the adventures of two improbable friends). I knew it was a good night when G laughed at Ivy and Bean, because she always says she doesn't like me reading out loud to her (but it wasn't to her, now was it?) After that A, climbed into her sleeping bag, G read for a while and then climbed onto the couch, and they both fell asleep, while the fire roared, and I read and drank wine. This went on for a quite a while. It was perfectly lovely.

No More Doom and Gloom Please......

2009-02-16T08:51:00.002-06:00

OMG, please stop the doom and gloom. I am a news junkie but there have been days I can't read the main section of the Wall Street Journal, or just glance at the front section of the Sunday New York Times, and then, (GASP) there are days I have to turn off NPR......I never thought that was possible. The news is so bad and so global, that it affects everyone. (or so it feels on any given day).

Let's think about some of the good news. I have a friend who found a job. Another friend who does daycare has an additional little boy joining her. Most people I know have their jobs and are managing ok. I am starting a small (very small) business. The world hasn't quite stopped yet.

And I do care about people who are having a hard time, but I worry that the focus on all that is bad in the economy, in the world, in our lives only makes things worse. I have become a believer that success and failure are both based on what we think (I worked in a sales organization for a long time and can attest to the influence of leadership). And that what we think will happen, is somehow what happens. So what do we do? Well for starters, we turn off the radio.

I Have too Many Ideas

2009-02-15T18:20:00.002-06:00

Often I get these brainstorms which end up causing me work. Like a new blog with my kids to chronicle a whole year at the pond near our house. (I will post a link from this blog) Like creating a mom daughter group, like coordinating outings, and parties and other stuff. Not to mention the stuff I do because I feel like I should (volunteering for kid related stuff mostly). When I worked, I was always the one to volunteer to do something. It had to get done, didn't it? Same thing when I was on the board of a local arts organization. If I didn't say I'd help, I was afraid no one else would either.

Don't get my wrong, when it's my idea it's because I really want to do it. I just always seem to want to do so much! And then before you know it, I am doing so much. And before you know it, I'm stressed out.

To that end, I'm thinking about my school volunteering for next year. This year I did the welcome wagon thing (kind of a rush for about 2 weeks in August and then mostly done for the rest of the year) and helped coordinate an art appreciation program (helping to create an art project curriculum for parents to do in the classroom, purchasing supplies, distributing all the info, tracking supplies, and then helping out with projects in my kids classrooms.). That has been more of an ongoing commitment. Then I read in As classroom once a week, and I'm one of her room parents. Oh, and I do random volunteering for bookfair or other one night stands. So I'm trying to figure out what I want to do, and then not do more (that's the hard part, right?). I always end up saying yes to just one more thing. Have you ever heard of the straw that broke the camels back? I know I'm not alone in this. My guess is that many of you have the same dilemma.

How do we balance the things we really want to do (Derby Lite stuff, Mom Daughter, blogs, etc.) with those I like doing but I don't do because of passion, but because I have a sense of responsibility to the organization (the school, girl scouts, etc.), with jobs (which I kind have now), and with the everyday stuff that has to get done. It's not that I don't want to participate, but I want to figure out how to do the right thing for the organizations, as well as for me. If you have a golden rule, please share. If not, I'll be sure to let you know what I decide regarding all of the above.

For Valentines Day

2009-02-14T10:22:00.002-06:00

This is an acrostic poem by my creative, lovely and brilliant 7 year old. XOXOXO

L Love the world.
O Open your eyes and see love.
V Valentines for me.
E Everyday everyone.

Happy Valentines Day.

Facebook

2009-02-11T20:08:00.003-06:00

I have found facebook, or fb as we users like to say, interesting in a couple of ways.

1. I can communicate with people in a random and often sarcastic way whenever I am bored or delaying doing something more productive. Laundry or fb? FB. Telling the kids to start homework or 1 more minute of fb? Guess.

2. I can send "gifts" and say things I might otherwise not. I love Viva Vintage, Send a Panda, Kidnap,Green Patch, and, of course Talk Derby To Me.. They are all goofy, but kind of amusing. And it's a way to say "hi". And how else can I shout out to my skater buds with an ass bruise or ruffled panties?

3. I can keep up with people I miss who I don't see or talk to very often (and you guys know who you are!).

4. I can explore my past. I have taken to finding people from high school. Why? I'm not sure. These aren't people I've kept in touch with in the past (ah hem) 28 years (there are exactly 3 people I have kept in touch with out of almost 1500 in my class). Generally when I find people from my school or even my class, I have no idea who they are. Some names I remember, a few faces, but really, I don't really remember much. I have come to think that it's more about me. Trying to remember who I was, and what I was like. Who were my friends? What did we do? I'm not exactly sure why I even care, but I do lack a lot of context in my life. Friends and acquaintances from my teenage years(and maybe even earlier) are the only mirrors I have (since my parents are both deceased, my brother and I aren't close, and I have few other relatives who would have seen beyond the "nice" me). It was a really difficult time, and maybe I'm trying to understand how I got through it.

Who knew facebook could inspire such deep thought (those of you not on fb, see what self reflection you are missing?)? Then again my favorite groups are "You Know You're From Long Island When", which goes on to list totally ridiculous Long Islandisms (at least 75% of which I still get after not having lived there for a very long time) and "OMG I So Need a Glass of Wine or I'm Gonna Sell My Kids" (that is self-explanatory). So maybe I'm thinking 10% of the time on fb, and just totally wasting time the other 90%. But that's ok, what else was I going to do? Clean out the refrigerator?

What is the Rolling Lane Anyway?

2009-02-10T17:27:00.005-06:00

I've decided that the Rolling Lane and what I talk about in this blog is the middle lane of life. Not (all) of my everyday concerns (that's the left lane on the highway, speeding by so fast you can barely catch them), like will be I on time for school pick-up, and when will I get to the grocery store, nor my deepest darkest secrets and fears (those are extra wide loads lumbering in the right lane, threatening to stop traffic at any moment). I like to write about things that matter to me but aren't that private. Still, for me, saying any of these things in public is huge. I have been known to be extremely reserved. That didn't work so well in the long term though, and talking/writing has been really satisfying (and no one has told me that they are horrified, so that's good). I talk about things that hint at the workings of my mind and the concerns and happenings in life that make me me.

Like my kids. Of course I love my kids. And I talk about them at some level here, but I don't share all. Who wants the whole world to know all of the worries and problems that I have? (Besides the people who go on all of those strange talk shows). For the rest of my life, I speak about what's important to me or what I'm thinking about, but not always why, or where it comes from (really now, few of you have the time or energy to read all of THAT). Some of you know who know me well probably know more of the details, but some of you may be left wondering why? But that's ok. Maybe that's a reason to read another day.

So, what will I be writing about: my kids, Derby Lite (much more to come I'm sure), and how I'm going to spend the rest of my life. I anticipate some bumpy times in the rolling lane (and you all know how much I love obstacle skating!!!!) but I'm very grateful for this space to share (and the people who read it), and for the friends who have helped me get to this place so that I can write. I love you all and I'm sorting through lots of ideas to write about.

Buying What?

2009-02-06T09:46:00.005-06:00

In this time of daily doom and gloom, I think we are all reevaluating what we buy and why. And I have two separate lines of thought. First, if we have money and feel reasonably secure we should not stop spending all together. I know that no one feels very secure or totally secure right now. Business is slow in every industry, people have lost their jobs, scariness is right around the corner. But the conundrum is that until people start spending money, things won't get better. I'm really curious to watch how this turns around (and it will, it's just a matter of time, and could be a long time).

But my second line of thought, which in some ways feeds into the first and might be more interesting, is that if all of us are watching our pennies and our dollars a little more closely (which I think everyone is), but I don't see a lot of people (including me) living so differently that who they are is fundamentally different, what is implied? I'm having trouble expressing this, so let me try again. If I spend more at Trader Joes instead of at other stores, how does my life change? If I buy my kids clothes at Target instead of online where the quality might be better but I have to pay more plus shipping (most of the time) are my kids that much worse off? If we join the pool instead of doing yet another week of summer camp, do we become different people? I guess, my thought is that we have so much, and may realize through all this that we need less. That doesn't bode well for the recovery, but it might bode well for our children as they grow up and start spending their own money, and for us as we learn more about what we really need to be us and to be happy. I guess I'm wondering if all of this belt tightening is a fundamental shift or a temporary blip in American consumerism. I guess we'll have to wait to find out. But at least I know that blogging is very cheap. Maybe I'll do more of it.

Laughing with the Ladies!

2009-02-05T07:34:00.002-06:00

I went to dinner last night with two friends. We see each other a lot (car pools, chatting, play date drop offs, etc.), but don't get that many chances to sit down uninterrupted and talk and laugh. (By the looks I was getting from the people at the next table, I think we may have been a wee bit loud and wee bit, shall we say, expressive -- there was a part of the conversation which included more than your average number of expletives). It's such a treat to sit down, order drinks, wait to order appetizers and wait even longer to order an entree. There were 3 tables still seated at the restaurant when we left. We weren't in a rush to get anywhere! What a concept! And we took a cab. Not a bad way to go on a cold and icy, and sangria filled night.

You always read that having friends is important to one's well being. It almost doesn't matter what you talk about. The inevitable laughing releases all those endorphins and serotonin, and you get home thinking, I need to do that more often. So you guys know who you are, thanks for last night. And to all my friends, I feel so lucky to have all of you in my life. And let's go out and laugh some more!

OUCH!

2009-02-04T07:13:00.003-06:00

A yoga class with too many pretzel like poses + working out with K at FFC + Derby Lite last night = pain all over. I feel my age plus some. I am contemplating, ibuprofen, a salt bath (thanks Hellin and Baubo, for reminding me of the goodness of salt), stretching, and kvetching. I'm really good at the kvetching part. Actually, it feels good to know I'm still all there and mostly working. Sounds like an ok start to a Wednesday.

What I am Interested in Now

2009-01-30T20:03:00.004-06:00

1. Physiology or Bio-mechanics or Anatomy or whatever it should be called. I am fascinated by the way my body works. Like when I tell my trainer that I've noticed in photos that I bend too far forward when I skate or ski, and she says, "oh, that's because you are quad and hip flexor dominant" (?), or how she can tell I slept weird by counting my vertebrae beneath my shoulder level. I realize how much my body has compensated in some areas due to weaknesses in other (stronger quads due to weaker core and hamstrings, weird issues due to my shoulder problems, how may knee achiness may be alleviated by stretching a muscle in my calf I didn't know was there etc.). It's always fascinating when I learn something new whether by noticing it myself or being told. And it makes a great massage even sweeter.

2. Spirituality. What is it? How do you get it? How do you keep it? What does it require of you? How much is intellectual? How much is actual, i.e. doing? Hmmmm. Why is it important? What does it mean for my kids? Not a lot of answers.

3. Aging. Yes, I am, so are you. But in what ways? What's good about getting older? Wisdom? Self knowledge and acceptance? What's bad (besides the achin' body!)? Less time to fix things you want to fix? Or do things you want to do? I have a few more answers here than #2, but still have a lot of questions, mostly around how will the next 45 years be different from the first 45. (As I am ALMOST, but NOT QUITE 46).

4. Raising girls (I guess kids in general, but girls for sure). My two (as many of your know) are completely different, and I foresee very different issues (and joys) with them. But the world of friendship, and school, and talent, and interest is very tangled, and I want to walk them through it with as much strength, confidence, and empathy as I can in a way that works for each of them. So I read, and I talk and I think. And then I try to remember to listen to them.

5. Organization. What are some people neat and some people not. I am not. I try, really I do, but I'm apparently not genetically pre-disposed. I take comfort in the fact that I am neater than my mom was (she was a clutter bug to beat most clutter bugs.....there were three of us in the house and the fourth chair at the table was always piled a foot high with papers, stuff, detritus whatever.....my pile is only about 2 inches high! progress!). Is it systems that work that make people neat? Is it an obsession I don't have? (I have many others, mind you!). Am I just lazy? (You don't necessarily need to answer that question!).

Ok, back to the mundane. What's for breakfast?

New Blog Title: Falling in the Rolling Lane

2009-01-26T19:55:00.002-06:00

Ok, the Rolling Lane was quiet because I went on vacation, to Colorado. And it was beautiful, warm (warmer than Chicago this winter), and a lot of fun. I did four physical activities (I hesitate to say sports, because that would surely be an overstatement) in four days. I skied for the first time since 8th grade, snowshoed, ice skated and cross country skied. Oh, and did I mention I fell? A lot? Due to skating I somehow am no longer extremely afraid to fall. That is amazing.

Skiing: Really fun. Aced the lesson. I can do a plowstop. Then went down a "green" slope that was much too hard for me (they are not really listed in order of difficulty and there is a wide disparity in the difficulty). I think I fell about 6 times before I gave up, and the cute ski patrol guy (very cute) helped me down by pulling me in a sled to the top of the next lift. Well my knee did hurt. I was totally freaked out by the speeding skiers and snowboarders literally whizzing by me. Especially after a guy skiing 3 times faster than me almost ran straight into me! It gave me many funny stories and was much more entertaining than if I had stayed on "my" part of the mountain. I would do it again, but would be much more careful about where I ski.

Snowshoeing: No falling actually, and fun. A "officially" hates snowshoeing, but that's ok, she feels that way about hiking too (and the kids snow shoes were very inferior to the adults). I would love to go snowshoeing around here through the woods or on a forest preserve trail. What a nice way to see the woods in winter.

Ice skating: G and A appeared to be their usual non-skating selves until I invented the game "catch the mommy". Once they caught me, I would pull them back to their ice palace. Nothing entices my children like the idea of a free ride. I hadn't been on ice skates much since I started roller skating, and I got very comfortable, very fast. So comfortable in fact that I forgot to be afraid to fall. I fell twice in the slush at the edge of the pond on my butt and remember why I wear wristguards, and once really hard on both my knees. They are bruised and hurt. Kneepads, kneepads, kneepads! We had the skates for four hours and took one hot cocoa/snack break. Amazing! However, you know you've been learning roller derby when you say to your 8 year old, "Wanna push me?". Ooops.

Then we went Cross Country Skiing, the winter sport of choice for Mr. Doll. I took a one hour lesson, fell once, totally freaked out at the first hill we were supposed to go on (I decided that knowing snow plows in four sports starts to get confusing....). I did really like it though and look forward to doing it some more (somewhere flat) when I'm not totally sore and bruised.

We got back and started in the groove of things. I got a wonderful massage today which helped me feel like a new woman. Ahhh....I will try to stay upright for the remainder of the week.

Getting to Know You....No, I mean YOU

2009-01-17T09:23:00.006-06:00

As I wrote my last post and then ran off to a birthday breakfast for a friend, I realized that I have learned to really enjoy getting to know other people. I have always been very curious about people but I wasn't able to enjoy the process, I was too busy worrying about how boring or ..... (fill in unflattering adjective of your choice) I was in comparison. I'm happy to say, enough of that!

I am much better at really reveling in the cool things I learn about others. Like the super bicycling art therapist, the former journalist who must share all of the details of her glamorous past, the friend who used to sneak out of the house in high school (and got away with it), the young 20s party life of several of you (it's a vicarious thrill thing), the woman who knows that you can have 2 chickens in your yard in OP, a fellow skater with a great sense of humor and funniest FB page and friends, and of course, the way, you all meet life head on. I could go on and on, but suffice it to say, learning how each of us got here, as the people we are now, is a wonderful experience in and of itself. Life is certainly richer as we go on.

I am thankful for the ability to see the richness and to be able to have it add to my own. Amen for friends.

Getting to Know You......

2009-01-16T08:58:00.002-06:00

I love that song:

Getting to know you,
Getting to know all about you.
Getting to like you,
Getting to hope you like me.

Getting to know you,
Putting it my way,
But nicely,
You are precisely,
My cup of tea.

Why does it seem to take so long to get to know and like ourselves? Maybe it's just me. But I find the older I get the more ok I am with me. Maybe I've finally realized I'm stuck with me. But really, I find I'm not so bad. Yes, I have issues (too many and too sordid for this space for sure), but I find that I have strengths I used to deny, or twisted around to see as weaknesses in the past. I can work on the "problems" and be happier with the total end result.

Part of it is probably being reflective, and being able to sort out reality from internal mind noise, if I can quiet the internal nagging even a little, reality doesn't look so bad.

Skating, is a perfect case in point. I love Derby Lite (as you might have guessed). I love to skate, I love the women, I love the camaraderie, and having something that is just a little crazy (falling? check; slamming into walls? check; sparkly shorts? check). It is so much fun! And yet, mind noise can still get in the way. I should be faster, I should be more agile, I should be, I should be, I should be. STOP! IT'S FUN! I'm not a superstar, but I'm not a menace on wheels. That's the reality. The shoulds detract. They clutter the fun and the hard work to improve and be the best I can be, with "not enough" "need more". I'm finally learning how to turn off the spigot of mind noise. And then I can enjoy skating, and me, and life.

And that is how I hope to live my life in the rolling lane. Is it easy? No. Is it worth it? Absolutely. (See photo with BIG smile at right!)

Cold and Snowy!

2009-01-13T10:10:00.005-06:00

We have had a fairly snowy winter so far, as those of you with long driveways can attest. So far we have gotten about 37 inches, which is the usual average we reach by the end of February. And often we have snow for two days, it melts and leaves. But not this year! So don't put the shovels away yet.

Seeing all the snow makes me think a lot of totally random and often contradictory thoughts.

1. Learn how to use the snow blower. Duh!
2. Clean out the garage so I can park in it. Double duh! (today my windshield wipers were frozen and I prayed I wouldn't need them on the way to drop the girls off at school).
3. I need wider boots or thinner calves so I can stuff my pants inside my boots.
4. Snow on the trees is one of the prettiest and most amazing views I can see out my window.
6. Sun shining on the snow in the trees is even prettier and more amazing.
7. I love my Subaru in the snow. It's way more stable and has better handling than my 4 wd suv did. I look for snow to drive through!
7. I still like winter.

I'm sure I'll be singing a different tune about the last one come February. But for now, it's a sunny clear and crisp (well, really cold) day. And I'll try to take a few peeks out the window.

A Pretty Good Day

2009-01-11T16:44:00.003-06:00

1. Woke up at a reasonable time (7:45).
2. Read the newspaper and drank coffee.
3. Made pancakes, and ate them with the girls.
4. BS'd for a while on FB and instant messaging.
5. Took a shower.
6. The girls claimed to have cleaned up their rooms and the basement. Sometimes it's better not to look until you really want to know!
7. Helped G. with her current events project. No tears, and we found an article, found pictures to go with it, and got it read. Hooray!
8. Went to two grocery stores. Didn't want to go to the Jewel, but they had no parsnips and no corn chips (of the required brands anyway) at Whole Foods. Survived the Jewel.
9. Ate brie and crackers.
10. Made chocolate chip cookies with the girls for a tea party. Started an overly complicated dinner (Milanese braised beef).
11. Am going to the tea party, drinking wine.

No nap, not too much drama, a little time out of the house. Not bad for a Sunday in January.

Back in the Swing (and Roll) of Things

2009-01-07T14:42:00.002-06:00

So the name of this blog is Life in the Rolling Lane, inspired in part, by the great year I've had learning to skate and how to play "recreational" roller derby. I put recreational in quotations, because there isn't yet a consensus on what that means, but at Derby Lite we have our spin on it and are having fun. Last night was our first skate after the holiday break: hallelujah! Just in time before the holiday fun set permanently into my butt and thighs!

It felt great to be back on skates. And even better to feel like my skating has been improving. Both endurance and skill-wise. Ten minutes in hell could have been worse (skate for one minute, sprint for one minute, then one minute of a floor exercise - crunches, push-ups, etc. for, well, 10 minutes). Then we did a paceline, and while 15 minutes of skating in close formation in one direction did tweak my back or hip or something toward the end (I'm still not exactly sure what it is), it cleared right up and did not keep me from completing the drill. And my two races during the pace line could have been worse.

Ah, and the scrimmaging. Our team, chosen only by shirt colors was black/brown, or the Happy Jammers (we were mostly reluctant jammers, because after skating for an hour and 15 minutes, pumping it up to race through the pack is well, hard). It is becoming more comprehensible as a blocker. As blockers we need to work together to stop the opposing team's scorer (jammer). The pack moves slowly, the jammer is going really fast and whizzes by before you can block...darn! But if we spread out and go a little faster the momentum is more equal and can create more opportunities to actually block the jammer. And I realized at this point I won't often stop a jammer, but I can certainly aim to slow them down, and work with my teammates. And playing as a jammer, while dreaded (it's hard, and exhausting, and, for me, often frustrating) was not as bad as I had feared. I scored a few points, I got through the pack! Woo hoo for me. At one point while I was blocking I took a bang from someone and thought, ha, I'm so staaaaaaable, and by the time I was done with the thought I was on my bum. But not for long. And that's the beauty of Derby Lite. You fall on your butt, but you get right back up and keep going! And if you get a big bruise, you might even get an award for it.

So while the rest of the week is back to school, homework, bedtimes, ballet, etc. etc., I can look forward to my nights on skates!

Viva Underpants!

Going to school in my jammies (and other mommy secrets)

2009-01-06T09:22:00.002-06:00

Shhhh. I dropped the girls off at school today in my jammies. I don't know if I've done that before. It felt so suburbanly subversive! I didn't get out of the car, and I'm laughing that I think it's secret-worthy.

I have other mommy secrets. I think we all must. Some are big. Some are little. Let's see, what are some of my other secrets.

>> We used to have "quiet time". Which meant my children (when younger) had worn me out. We would all climb in my bed and I would let them watch t.v. while I slept. I used to feel very guilty about that. Although they both liked it a lot.

>> I've left G home when sick to pick up A from school with a "walkie-talkie" system. An open phone line between us for the whole 6 block round trip!

>> I've let the girls go to school in clothes I know are not really clean. Oooooo. Oh, and G only wears socks when I make her, and sometimes I'm too lazy.

>> One day I went to pick up G from a play date at the wrong house, and then realized I didn't know where the right house was. Oops! Actually I wasn't really even late to pick her up when I got to the right house.

>> Ok, and sometimes I get very frustrated and am not the nicest, most supportive, most nurturing of mothers. I even yell and threaten sometimes. I hate that! (And it doesn't work in the long run, but sometimes I can't think beyond the next 3 minutes).

Ok, so those are not very major. I don't put bailey's in my morning coffe, or vodka in my o.j., I've never forgotten my children at school or anywhere else, I've never gone off on vacation and left an 8 year old in charge for a week, or not bought food for a month, or gone on laundry strike (although THAT has ocurred to me). So I guess, I will stay out of mommy jail for now. Do they serve coffee in bed in mommy jail? Hmmm.

A New Look for A New Year!

2009-01-03T12:25:00.002-06:00

I decided to go crazy and change the look of my blog for 2009. What a nut! Why? It allows me to put off other chores I should be doing. And I added a counter. I sometimes wonder if I'm the only person who reads my blog. I'm not sure it would matter if I was. I actually really enjoy writing it. My New Year resolution for my blog is to update the photos. I think my skating form is much better than in the photo (this is almost a year old).

If you do read this blog, thanks for visiting.

So enjoy the new look, and the new year.

Namaste and Love,

Trina/Doll

Meandering...in a Panic!

2008-12-31T19:16:00.002-06:00

So after I write this nice post, congratulating myself on my meandering and openness, I have to drive back the 15 miles to pick up the girls. And again, I decided to avoid the highway to miss the pothole repair traffic. But instead of meandering, I was close to lost! And late! I missed a turn (again) and ended up going way out of my way, and getting confused and being late. Ugh!!!!! Have I mentioned that few things make me more upset than being late? especially to pick up the girls? I thought I was going to have a flat out conniption.....Luckily I let my homing pigeon instincts guide me and I found my way. And as is often the case, I was the one most upset. I was about 12 minutes late, the girls were fine (not worried that I wouldn't show up, they were very laissez faire about the whole things) and their teachers were more than gracious. I'm apparently still working on the whole letting go thing. Maybe next year.

Meandering....in a Hurry

2008-12-31T11:32:00.002-06:00

I was in a hurry today to get home after dropping the girls. I had to clean for the cleaning ladies (one of the oxymorons of my life). Well I decided to avoid the highway, I saw the back-up in the other direction due to pothole repair. Didn't want to sit in traffic! But, I took a wrong turn and ended up coming home a totally different way than I meant to or than I have driven in quite a while. It was somewhat circuitous. You never know what you'll see when you make a wrong turn. I saw Clarence's BBQ (which really was a shack), a lot covered in about 7 feet of snow (must have been the major snow removal dump for the town), a church where I sang a few times with the chorus I sang with in the mid-90s, very nice neighborhoods, very sad neighborhoods, and oddly industrial areas. I was less than a mile from my house, and knew where I was, but hadn't been there a while. It honestly looked like another planet from where I live and the places I drive through every day. Being on a different road made me open my eyes to see things I normally wouldn't notice. As we move into a new year, that might make a good metaphor for the upcoming year. Happy New Year (again!).

New Years Resolution?

2008-12-29T19:21:00.004-06:00

Do you make any New Year Resolutions? Are they, what magazines would have us think are typical; to lose weight or workout more? Or are they more eccentric (like only wear white after Labor Day, or no chocolate on Thursdays)? Do you have a self imposed moratorium on any resolutions? For the past decade or so, I thought that New Years Resolutions were a little too convenient. How much could something mean to you if picked a day and said, ok, today I will make decisions to change my life? Maybe it was all rebellion from the Lent I gave up meat in college. I'm not sure. But for some reason this year, the coming of the New Year seems like a good time to investigate what I want to do differently. Maybe it's just a coming together of my own personal change schedule and the calendar. Maybe it's backlash after the holidays, and my desire to keep control over my life. But I do wonder if other people make resolutions, what they are, and how you make them stick or give them up. So tell me if you do or don't (either here or on facebook!)

The things I'm thinking about this year are not very traditional in that I'm not into self-improvement per se, but into self contentment. What will make life happier? Make my family happier? Make me a better mother, friend, wife?

1. Top on my list: to make life less complicated, and stop worrying so much about missing something by being less complicated (since I'm responsible for scheduling, who's to blame for over scheduling? and as they say "stop me before I volunteer again!").
2. Do exercise I enjoy first, and then do the stuff I do because I should (that makes #1 skating (2009 will be a great year for Derby Lite, I know it!), #2 yoga ("breathe"), #3 weights (I like feeling strong and my shoulder finally doesn't hurt) and #4 anything else). Don't sweat the anything else, and don't even sweat #1, 2 and 3 when it can't be helped.
3. Enjoy my girls. Probably goes with number 1 and #2 (won't I be less cranky if I skate and do yoga to my heart's content?). I adore them and admire them.
4. Oh, and wear more sparkly shorts (I swear I will post a photo soon, if you can bear it). Skating, I mean. I will NOT be wearing sparkly shorts to Target (for the benefit of all). Sparkly shorts are certainly a "you've come a long way baby" statement for me. And I'm going to keep going, thank you very much.

I would like to say meditate more, or do yoga every day, or get to the gym more than once a week, or be less cranky, or drink less wine. But I feel like I'm trying to get to the root of the why I should do those things more. If life is less complicated, maybe that will come. Maybe all of it will come from that or wearing sparkly shorts more, who knows?. So, I guess those are resolutions, even if they are not very specific. In any case, if I had to predict what 2009 will be like, I would say unpredictable. So maybe my other resolution should be to go with the flow. So there you have it. Non-resolutions, resolutions. Namaste. And Happy New Year.

One of My Favorite Places

2008-12-29T14:04:00.003-06:00

In this fascinating urban location, one of my favorite places to go is outdoors, the Morton Arboretum. I love its rolling hills, paths, trees, ponds, etc. I love that I can take a walk there, never feel afraid, and hardly ever see another person. G and A are taking a winter camp there for three mornings this week. It's called Arctic Adventures, unfortunately most of our Arctic-ness has melted. Today was beautiful though. I love their camps because the kids spend most, if not all, of their time outside, even in the winter. The girls, from what I can gather enjoyed spending a lot of time outside. A's class tobogganed like penguins (on their bellies) and G's group found an owl pellet. I got back there early to pick them up and took a 20 minute walk. Just enough to soak up some Vitamin D, see a hawk and hear the geese. They have great horticulture (gardening), art and natural history classes for adults too.

A did tell me though, that she was the only girl in her class. That did not please her. Of 10 kids, how can there only be 1 girl? Don't girls like adventures, animals, and nature? I've found this with camps at the Arboretum before, they call them science camps and always seem to have more boys than girls. I could get all worked up about it (what messages are we sending?), but instead I'll think I'll try to get my friends to send their daughters, and to send mine. I can't imagine a camp that G, at least, is better suited to.

Tomorrow I will wear my hiking boots which are waterproof so I can take a longer walk. Being outside "in nature" is truly one of the best things for me. Do you think maybe I signed the girls up for this camp so I would have an excuse to take some nice winter walks? Maybe!

2008-12-26T19:11:00.003-06:00

I have a Christmas hangover. No, I don't mean a physical alcohol related hangover. Just a clean the house, face the gray rainy icy day, find places for the stuff, avoid the laundry (again), take a nap kind of hangover. It's the holiday rebound effect. I didn't sleep well last night, read a book with an unexpected suicide, and woke up to a layer of ice. Somehow the fog that has rolled in seems appropriate. And the dire warnings of flash floods and street closings are also a let down after the most anticipated day of the year.

It was a nice Christmas, don't get me wrong. The girls repeatedly said it was the best ever, and A. told me that Santa knows her really well. G played with Viva Pinata Trouble in Paradise for many many hours. We ate nice meals (lemon ricotta pancakes with eggs and bacon for breakfast and prime rib, yorkshire pudding, with roasted potatoes for dinner, and trifle for dessert (yeah, the whole english meal thing is a far cry from the lasagna and meatballs and roast beef with salted potatoes we'd have for Christmas as a kid). It was pretty yummy though, with a 1997 wine that was quite tasty.

But there is so much anticipation and build-up, that it seems inevitable that there is a day after let down. Ahhhhhhhh. A sigh, a deep breath, a nap, a glass of wine, and I'll be ready for what comes next. Oh, like another week of kids at home and New Years.

Viva Underpants to all and to all bon nuit.

Sleighbells ring, are you listening?

2008-12-22T09:52:00.002-06:00

I was able to indulge myself yesterday and sing Christmas carols. With an accompaniment! The fabulous Cole was here, set up his keyboard in my living room, and amazed my friends. I love singing, even though my voice is totally out of practice and sounds, well, not great. And I've never been the best musician, but I blend well . We sang up to 20 songs. Everything from Hark the Herald to Deck the Halls to Frosty the Snowman (which was an excellent number for all). We have a budding musician in our neighborhood, the fabulous Miss H. who after only 4 months of piano lessons, played us Angels We Have Heard on High. She was also the only one who could hit the high notes of Silent Night. You go girl! I was way too squeaky to try. And why is all piano music in too high of key for normal people anyway?

The mulled wine was way yummy, but I ended up with a tummyache (just like an over indulged child who only ate yogurt, pancakes, cookies, pretzels, mulled wine and pizza....oy veh). Oh and I was asleep by 9:00.

G is so funny. She claimed the whole thing was embarrassing, then got really into helping me get ready (she alphabetized all the music and made covers for our little books), and sang along (quite sweetly I must say) until she became kind of self conscious. Then she disappeared, only to come back when it was time to sing a song from the 3rd grade concert with the other third graders (a spirtual called "Ain't that a rockin'"). They sang it acapella, and G sang strong and nicely. No embarassment, no fear. I love seeing that. Then she screamed and ran out.

After all the kids left the room (and did I mention this was a very girl heavy crowd......kids were all girls ranging in age from 4 to 10, 6 women and two lone men + Cole) Cole indulged us grownups (women all) with some more songs. It was so much fun. Except when I found out G was the instigator of a lotion development laboratory in my bathroom. We were told there would be an explosion, but luckily, there was none, just a couple of cups of goo.

Next time though I'll eat a better lunch! Maybe it will help me sing more like Mariah Carey and avoid a stomache ache!

Who Needs Sleep?

2008-12-19T07:33:00.002-06:00

If only I got up at 4:15am every morning. I would be so much more productive. By 7:30 I have done two loads of laundry, finished my Christmas cards, read the newspaper (ok, not productive but necessary to make sure I'm up on all of the current economic gloom and doom), and shoveled extremely heavy snow (so I've gotten exercise too). I've had my coffee, and written this blog. Caught up on email too.

The sad fact is that I don't do well on 6 hours of sleep. In fact, I can't function on that little sleep. I often have wished that I could. I really need 8-8.5 hours. So while I might like to dream of being extra productive, I will end up either going to bed really early and/or being totally exhausted later on. But at least while I was awake I got stuff done, so I feel like I've gotten a little head start on this crazy day. Now off to the next chapter, waking up two very sleepy girls for school.

Happy Friday!

Another Birthday Party.....

2008-12-14T07:50:00.004-06:00

I have survived another kids birthday party. 14 girls doing gymnastics. They ate over 3 pizzas and a lot of cake when they were done. Running and bouncing for an hour and a half makes kids hungry! (And thirsty!) A told me she wasn't tired and that she could do the whole thing again! I, however, was exhausted. Even though all I had to do was hang out, take photos, and serve pizza and cake. Oh yes and make sure we had all of our pink poodle paraphernalia (and no, we didn't have everything shown in the photo above).

I realize that even though these parties are expensive and exhausting, they are part of the fleeting little kid period for my girls. Soon, they won't be bouncing and laughing and telling me their stories and secrets, but screaming and laughing behind closed doors. I love their vivaciousness and their joy. And it is worth the running around, and the money to see them have so much fun with each other.

It is so hard for me to realize that A is 7 and G is 8 1/2. It is going so fast for me. I'm trying to remember to savor these times, and my girls. I know I will love the young women they will become, but I will also miss my girls.

Frozen Mangoes?

2008-12-12T07:05:00.002-06:00

Skating was great last night. Well it was fun, but my skating was far from great. We did a variety of drills, which were great for all levels of skater, and built upon each other all night. Unfortunately, I realized that I am less than agile. If the fabulous Miss M with no skater name skates like Ginger Rogers (and she is sooooo light on her feet), I am more like a gorilla in ballet shoes. Well that might be harsh, but you get the picture. If I wasn't sure before, doing alternating crossovers for 10 minutes made it very clear. I realized when I did ankle circles at home that my left ankle does not bend and flex nearly as much as my right. A new project for me!

And when I got home, things hurt: my knees and feet mostly (what else is new?). And since one of my daughters had used my gel ice pack for her lunch (and I haven't seen it in a while), I soothed my pains with a bag of frozen mangoes. Why do I even have frozen mango (I don't like mangoes)? I have absolutely no idea. But it worked. I watched some tv, ate some yogurt and then some corn chips, and had a beer all while my feet reveled in the cold.

And this morning? Well I still hurt a little. But it is so worth it. I can tell I'm much stronger than I was a year ago. And probably more agile, although it didn't feel that way last night. Derby Lite is more fun than most things, that's for sure. Before you know it Miss M. and I will be waltzing on skates.

I'm So Proud to be from Illinois!

2008-12-09T19:19:00.003-06:00

Well that's sarcastic!

One former governor (Republican) in jail and asking for a pardon, the current governor (Democrat) arrested today in what the US Attorney described as a "corruption crime spree" including trying to sell Obama's senate seat. If you're not from Illinois, I swear we are not all stupid or crooks! But at least we're equal opportunity for corruption.

Blagoejevich's story.

Maybe it's time to move to Indiana or Wisconsin.

It's Not My Fault!

2008-12-06T12:07:00.002-06:00

It's not my fault that Target sales are down. Really. I've been there twice this week, and while the first trip was pretty expected, the second wasn't and, guess what? I bought things I wasn't planning on. Some of it was necessary: Christmas gifts for a friend's daughter, Ken Doll's mom, 2 teenagers (and their cat) of a family that some of my neighbors are donating to this year as part of a local charity (Holiday Food and Gift Basket), paper towels, wrapping supplies (including an ungodly amount of scotch tape). Also pj's for me (I realized I could get 2 pairs at Target for the price of 1 pair at one of my other favorite stores and I have several in the falling apart category), pj's for A., a family movie (I'm a sucker for the Sound of Music), a girls' movie (A is a sucker for Barbie movies), a Mariah Carey Christmas CD (I'm a sucker for A), a lamp base to replace one that broke, lip gloss and girlie supplies for A.

Wait!! Maybe it is my fault, you may have noticed that knee socks, and tights were not on my list. I am cutting back!

Maybe I'll have to run out again........next week.

Keeping up with the kiddies!

2008-12-05T08:19:00.003-06:00

I have decided on a mission to introduce my friends to the technology that they will need to keep up with their kids as they get older. Here is my hierarchy of technology know-how that is necessary:

1. Email. Ok, everyone can and does email (thank goodness), however it is only the most basic form of electronic communication and not nearly advanced (or instantaneous enough) to keep up with teenagers.

2. Texting. You have a cell phone, you can text. I do what I call "old lady" texting......crappy keyboard, need to get out the reading glasses, don't know how to do a lot of things, but I can in fact send a basic text message given 5-10 minutes to do it (and handy reading glasses). Reading them goes much faster.

3. Instant Messaging. I started instant messaging at work at least 7 or 8 years ago, so this is not a new phenomenon. It's easy to get started with AOL IM or Google. It's a highly instantaneous and erratic form of communication. You just need your computer and im software. Then you can stalk your friends (and your children when necessary).

4. Blogging. Your kids may write a blog. You will have to know how to find it, so you can read it. Pretty easy. You definitely have to know how to leave comments. You can also write a blog and possibly use it as a way to increase your leverage as a parent. I'll have to think more on that one.

5. Facebook and My Space. At the very least you need to have an account and get your kids buy-in that you are, in fact, their friend, and you need access to their pages. This is public information and, in my opinion, you have the right and/or duty to make sure your kid isn't doing anything too wacky in public cyber space. It is fun to find your own friends on Facebook and My space, and I bet some people you haven't thought about it in a while are on there.

6. Twitter. Ok, we've reached my technological boundary. I havently gone there yet. But it might just be the new frontier.....

But when your kids are texting friends in the car constantly, and Im'ing while doing homework, you'll understand just a little bit more what they're up to!

Getting Ready for Christmas

2008-12-03T08:32:00.006-06:00

I'm sure many of us are going through the same thing right now. Trying to figure out how to make the holidays special, without going insane in the process. I've gotten the holiday decorations up (minus the tree). That's a 4 hour project between getting stuff out, going through it, putting it out, and cleaning up the remainders. Next we have to think about getting tree. At just the right time, so it doesn't get too dried out, but so that we aren't so late that we're stuck with the dregs at the tree lot (we always get a tree from the same place, where the people own the tree farm in Wisconsin, and they always give the kids candy canes). So you have to pick the right weekend. But they all seem so busy (this upcoming weekend especially.....concerts, operas, seeing friends, etc.). A conundrum to be sure.

Then there are the gifts. The non-family gifts have to be organized, bought and/or put in the mail. Those are easy to put on a list and check off. Then the family. Mother-in law, husband, kids (not a big family to be sure). The kids want everything, Ken Doll and his mom want nothing. So it's how to make Christmas a special time, without focusing on the gifts? Or rather without focusing on the 12 pages of American Girl Doll stuff A thinks she wants? (a big hint, she's not getting any American Doll stuff this year). What will make a lasting impression? What makes the holiday special? How do I tell A she's not getting any of the 600 things on her well documented list?

I'm hoping to carry on a family tradition, that we haven't had in 25 years, since my great aunt, Tante Emma died......kringles to hang on the tree. I don't know what they are really called, but they are crispy meringues in very simple shapes (circles, squares, diamonds) that you hang on the tree and then.....eat. They melt in your mouth. I don't have Tante Emma's recipe, but I'm hoping I can basically figure it out. And now of course, I have to find a chunk of time to do this (with the girls). You can see the kringles in the vintage photo above.

Oh and have I mentioned that Ken Doll's birthday is in December, and A's birthday party is in December too (her birthday fell on Thanksgiving this year!)?

I think I will focus on the experiences of the holiday season. Making cookies or kringles. Shopping with the girls for Ken Doll and for the family we're donating to with some of our neighbors. Making fires, enjoying the decorations, drinking hot mulled wine, being with friends, going to see Amahl and the Night Visitor with A this weekend, the school holiday concerts (always a highlight), A's chorus concert, etc. And will try to keep in mind that celebrating this way is a privilege, and not a burden. It is what we make of it.

Oh, and who does that 3 year old Doll look like anyway? Many of you will be able to guess!

And in 10 or 20 years, some of the stuff will have made a lasting impression (I still remember getting white go-go boots when I was 3 or 4, shown above), but mostly I remember the kringles.

Save Me from My Isolation!

2008-11-29T17:18:00.002-06:00

I have been cut off from the world of information! The information highway offramp at my house is busted! I have had no internet service since Monday night (I'm in a Caribou, I couldn't take it anymore). Comcast canceled the first service appointment due to a service outage (somewhere.....), and now we're scheduled for tomorrow (yes, Sunday) evening. Nuts, isnt it?

I haven't been able to IM, email, shop, find addresses, find recipes, etc. etc. etc. (plus more etceteras).

I hope to back online tomorrow evening, or I'll be searching out wifi somewhere.........

Where Did the Week Go?

2008-11-22T20:41:00.003-06:00

When you get into the groove of the school year, the weeks start flying by. We are definitely there. Even A, who is just about to turn 7 (she's my turkey-day baby), said that the week was speeding by. It's all about running around to get things done while the girls are in school, picking them up, managing the afternoon chaos of activities and playdates, making dinner (if I'm home in time) and seeing what my evening schedule is. There was a time not long ago that having one evening out of the house during the week seemed crazy and now I try to limit them to 2 or 3 during the week, otherwise things are super crazy. (But when skating is involved the ensuing craziness is worth it!)

Even the weekends are nutty. There are few lazy days left. Today we had a swimming lesson, a run to Target, which seemed to take a long time (maybe because we had to enter both the toy section and the girls clothing section), and then had to run A to a birthday party that seemed further away than it was because of the freight train in my way and the general traffic. So G and I didn't even try to come home and hung out at the Borders next door. Target and Borders, that was my Saturday. Don't even try to guess how much I spent between the two of them. Target and bookstores are my weakness! (You can never have too many kneesocks or books!) But shhh....I found both a panda puzzle and a panda calendar. For those of you who know A, this is a major score! (she took the photo above at the National Zoo back in August)

There were some interesting moments this week. We had a talk about God in the car and what we believed. A expressed something about God and then minor gods who follow the big God, and when other gods are born everyone is happy, G is my traditionalist Christian, and me , well I might just defy convention. A and I have talked about joining a church (Unitarian, what else would accept our crazy family diversity on the subject?). Of course we also had to touch on what happens when we die. We've started to get more specific about Christmas present lists (I'm sure I'll share more of my thoughts on that later i.e. how to narrow down the 12 pages of American Girl Doll items I've been handed), I joined with some of my neighbors to sponsor a family through a community Holiday Food and Gift Basket Program (they help 900 families in our area), and we counted down to Friday several times as A waited anxiously for a playdates with her best friend twins from down the block. The three of them get along remarkably well. Oh, and the cleaning swat team came and swept through the house. Yeay! There was even a stop at the ever popular Baubo's for a Girls Night Out! (think cute underwear!)

And I guess another week is starting, so I might as well get ready. Oh wait! It's Thanksgiving, no school Tuesday through Friday. This will throw my well oiled routine into a loop. Uh oh! Now what?

Shopping!

2008-11-17T07:19:00.002-06:00

I spent a fun afternoon yesterday shopping with my friend J who had a baby 7 weeks ago. She's in that post-baby I need some clothes because I want to look like me again phase (I remember it well!). So we headed out to my favorite store, Nordstrom. It was like a garage sale. It seemed like everything was on sale. Clothes, coats, shoes, purses, knee socks (I was tempted by knee socks!). There were a lot of things marked down by 40%. They are doing what they can to get people shopping! And the store was busy and people seemed to buying. I tried to do my part, and J, well J made up for the months during her pregnancy when she couldn't get out of the house, let alone go shopping. And I got to remember what it's like to go out with a 7 week old. He's so cute and so little, but demands a lot of attention. I remember how hard it is to figure out the motivations of an infant.

It was fun to go out and go shopping, fun to be with J and the baby, and good to see people spending money in this economy. I may have to go find those kneesocks.....they were pink and purple with stars.....ooooo. It's all about the kneesocks!

Micro-culture

2008-11-13T06:55:00.002-06:00

I learned a new word last night micro-culture. A group of women have started a mom/daughter group to help create the village to raise our daughters. A theme that ran throughout the discussion was the desire to create a safe, nurturing environment where we can impart values and ideas that are important to us, and help innoculate our girls from at least some of the dangers we see ahead. This environment is a micro-culture. In my mind's eye I saw a bubble over our block, where things might look or be different than at school or parties. We talked about creating both a sense of gratitude and empowerment, as our daughters grow up in a very consumerist, very "perfect girl" oriented culture. We talked about letting them shed their school personas and roles to "just be", to create relationships not based on who is cool, and most importantly to help them keep connections to us, the moms, as they get older and life gets very complicated.

Oh, and my personal goal in terms of empowering young women.......I really want to help start a junior roller derby league. I love the idea that there is no body type best for roller derby, that most girls will start out on the same level (few people roller skate these days...more's the shame), and that it is a hard charging sport that lets you go fast, and have fun. Not to mention look tough in all of the gear.

I have learned a lot about empowerment and gratitude in the last year. And I am extremely thankful for all of the women and girls in my life who help me to be a better mom to my girls. I'm so excited to join with other strong, smart, thoughtful women to make a difference to all of our daughters. Here's to the micro-cultural revolution!

Tuesdays

2008-11-12T08:35:00.003-06:00

Tuesdays have become super crazy days (at least in my mind). They start off slow but end up making me just a little loonie. They are one of my slower days early on. My only regular commitment while the girls are at school is the gym (I'm working on my shoulder and upper body strength). It's also a good day for appointments, meetings, errands, etc. Or maybe even doing laundry! Then G. and A. come home, and sometimes we have an activity after school, but the swimming/skating rush hangs over my head all afternoon, if not all day. G and A are taking the best swimming lessons they've had, so I've been loathe to change them, but the lessons end at 6 and I skate at 7. So I have to get them out of the pool, into the shower, out of the shower, dressed, and home, then I need to change, eat and get out the door. What you might not know is that all of the children's parts of this choreography, are subject to serious dawdling. Oh look, I can stay in the shower until I'm as red as a lobster or totally puckered? Do I really need to rinse shampoo out of my hair? Clothes, what clothes? Oh, do I need to put them on? Can I argue with my sister about who gets to wear the socks? Last night I walked into the elementary school gym at 6:59 I think. Whew......after that, all I need to do is skate for 2 hours (well really 1 1/2 after jumping, running and hopping first). And while I dread the rush all Tuesday afternoon, when it's over I'm so glad I went. I always feel better after skating! And now it's Wednesday and we can start all over again. Hmm, I wonder what's up for this afternoon?