Revelation #2

This is actually a set of revelations that started a couple of months ago and all came together last week.

Part A: I am not my thoughts. In other words, just because I think something about myself does not mean it's true. This could work for narcissists who think grandiose thoughts about themselves, but also works for negative self talk, which is where I find it.

Part B: I can accept that other people have experiences of me that are different than my experience of me, and that does not mean that they are wrong and I am right or vice versa.

Now these two things may seem totally wacky or totally obvious to you. Who knows.

After years of thinking negative things about myself, and being extremely defensive to boot, these are actually extremely helpful in navigating life. It's about the subjective and impermanent nature of experience and thought. So I might think, boy, I am a terrible mom. I don't (insert good habit here) and then I (insert bad habit here). But that doesn't mean it's true does it? Objectively, I know I'm not a terrible mom, so why do I entertain these thoughts? Why do we put stock in our own thoughts as some kind of fundamental truth, even though we know it's not objectively true?

And if you say, but Trina, you should be on the Windy City Rollers, you are one awesome skater, (and no, no one has ever said this to me), I can acknowledge that your experience of me (awesome skater) is different than my experience (klutzy spazz), without saying that either of us is right. Talk about not needing to argue. We each have a different inner experience, that might change or might stay the same. Both are valid from our own perspective, even though neither may objectively be correct.

So I'm going to go back to my meditations which might provide some further revelations to share. But in the meantime, you can ask yourself, is there something I regularly hear in my head which I know is not true? What do I do with those thoughts? And when was the last time someone said something to me about me which jarred my experience of myself? Did I feel the need to correct them? Did it work?

Ok, back to Friday. TGIF.