Control is an Illusion

Yeah, I know big surprise. Today is a perfect example. I had a plan, babysitter, appointments, etc. And then all of a sudden I felt really sick. You know the kind of sick, when you need to be at home for the benefit of all. Now I'm not sure if I'm really sick or having a side effect to a new medication. So not only am I not in control of my day, I'm not in control of my body or even in control of the knowledge of what's going on with my body today.

Frankly, I feel completely out of control and overwhelmed. Well that's perhaps a bit extreme. I manage our lives (meaning me, the girls and to some extent our family), but I feel like I'm always climbing uphill trying to catch up the bouncing ball that is always just in sight but unattainable. I vacillate between thinking the problem is my time management skills, housekeeping skills, etc. and thinking it's really more an attitude issue. I cannot keep my house neat. I can do a lot of things (many of them rather well), but this seems beyond me. I also am having a lot of trouble focusing on Derby Lite (aka my business) when I'm cleaning up the kitchen for the 8th time today, or running yet another errand, etc, etc.

I can think of several things I've learned over the years that seem to apply (and have been really hard to put into practice).

• Stephen Covey always says work on what's important, not what's urgent. Of course that makes perfect sense.
  
• I will fill up every waking minute with commitments if allowed. Meetings, projects, etc.
• I think I deserve to be on my schedule (yoga, exercise, meditation, healthy eating) and yet I seem to be the first thing to go. It's easier to reschedule myself than others (but of course it never happens)
• The phrase "stop me before I volunteer again" is meant for me.
• Only I can decide what's most important to me. And only I can articulate that to other people. (Can't you read my mind????).
• Doing something for one minute now will probably save me 5 minutes in the future (think putting things away when you use them, spending 15 minutes everyday straightening the problem areas in the house).
  

So that leads me to the question, if I decided to articulate what's important to me, and used my time management skills to do what's important to me, would I have more control? Feel more in control? Is it a matter of commitment (to myself)? Or is this all a reason to go with the flow and stop trying to be in charge? Or some combination. I find it to be quite a conundrum

I will think on it. For now this made me realize how far behind on laundry and bookkeeping I am. Off to do both, at once.