The Class Clown

When I skate I am the class clown, in a New York kind of way. I don't set out to be. But I think when something is hard (like our 20 minute "warm-up" yesterday of squats, footwork, running, etc, or the seemingly impossible skating drills we did -- all thanks to Helsa Wayton). I get just a wee bit snarky. Sarcastically whiny. It's my way of saying "I'm really nervous that I can't do this. If I'm funny maybe you won't get mad at me." (NOT that anyone would be mad at me if I couldn't do something, that's just the wacky lady who lives in my head, I think I'll call her Edna). This is mostly reflexive and reactive. I make my comments to myself (but not really to myself, you know?) and then I work hard. I'm not giving up, nor do I have real bad attitude, just a fake bad attitude. I kind of wish I would just be quiet and work hard. Edna, can you keep it down, please?

In all honesty I should have more confidence. Even if I don't excel at all skills, I do make progress. Why I need to deflect any expectations that I'll be able to keep up or to follow along, I'm not quite sure. Let's list some of the things I thought I'd never be able to do skating and now do with various degrees of agility and skill:

Fall on demand
Walk/run on toestops
Jump
Turn on skates from one direction to the other
Skate outdoors, and deal with minor surface obstacles
Step right in front of someone to block them and not assume I'll fall down
Realize that falling isn't usually that bad
Hit wheels with someone and not fall
Alternating cross overs
Wear shiny shorts

So there you have it, multiple reasons to keep Edna quiet. Maybe I just need to remind myself of all this next time I have to work hard at something on (or off) skates. Edna, please go find someone else's head to live in. I've got important stuff to do.