Homework, Book Reports and Other Trials of Parenting

It has taken until 3rd grade to come even close to having a system for G's homework (remember, I live in pursuit of homework without tears). Just as we come close to managing the daily grind of homework, now G has book reports and current events reports (with an oral presentation) due every month. Luckily, reading the book is easy, but sitting down to organize one's thoughts and get them down (neatly) and finishing the project is a herculean task. Or so it seems. And I think the expectations in 3rd grade are much higher than in 2nd grade.

G likes to do well, but has a hard time seeing the link between effort and result. She's read the book, she's mastered the information, isn't that enough? Unfortunately not. It's tough to be 8. And this leaves me in a perennial dilemma, how much do I suggest to her, and how much do I tell her what has to be done? See, she will negotiate every bit of work with me: what she thinks needs to be done, how it should be done, when it should be done, when it's finished. (I should say, even with this negotiation things are going much more smoothly than in the past.) I need to help her understand what is needed, but in the end it is her work. My idea is to give her a little leeway on the first one, see how it goes and then go from there. If she's right and her way works, great. If not, next time she needs to listen more to me. This is actually a big issue for us, that crosses all kinds of areas from dress, to homework, to cleaning her room. And I am trying not to give too many choices, too much leeway, to accept less negotiation/argument. But man, is this all exhausting! It's easier either to do the work for her, or to say, it's your work, sink or swim. But neither of those choices (in the extreme) is fair to a little girl who is trying to figure out how things work.

So I struggle - probably pick the wrong battles sometimes, and give up on the things I should not, but I will continue to try to help her figure out the world around her. Isn't that one of the most important things we, as parents, do? If it doesn't work out on this month's book report, at least I'll have more chances to help out in the future.